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  • V8's guide to the music classifieds (note : foul language ahead)

Yeah, well - it's an attempt at some more humour :?

Antique : So fucked up - that the restoration cost would buy three new ones.
Vintage : Something made before Chuck Norris jokes were cool.
Classic : Like vintage, just 30% less awe$ome.
Vintage Classic : Chuck Norris HA$ one!
Retro : A piece of plastic crap that some sucker will buy.
Handmade : Yes, Hands made this guitar...while Feet was over there scratching his ass.
Missing strings : which were used to garrot someone. Meet this person in a public place.
Relic : Synonym for a overpriced , "artfully detailed" (aka fucked up) guitar.
Roadworn : By some miracle it still works enough to sell it - which I'm doing asap, before it doesn't work anymore.
Cort : Represents an curious equation. When you divide it, it increases in value.
Cort/Screwdriver = $
Original : Actually means "As I got it"...Which was from the guy who did the shitty respray & butchered the wiring.
Stock : see Original
Awesome : When judged by a 3 y/o who just drank 2L of Coca Cola. Yippee...it's ALL awesome.
Spotless condition : ...When you close your eyes.
Plays like butter : As a regular player of butter, I can attest that this really does play like a slippery piece of toneless shit.
To a good home : Actually, ANY fucking home. Just pay the inflated senti-MENTAL price.
Luthier : As I've used this word, you should be aware, that : 1. Google is my friend. Which is great, because I don't have any others. 2. The luthier thinks I'm as big a cock as you do.
Struggling muso : I'm a musician in the same way your waitron is a undiscovered modelling talent.
Lowball : Don't talk sense, I'm not listening.
Open to offers : ...Just not any reasonable ones.
    So true. ?

    If I may add a few:
    Selling because I want to try something else (and it is quite new): Most probably it plays like crap (neck heavy or something)
    Still has original strings: Never serviced, set up or maintained.
    "Rhythm guitar" or "lead guitar": Really?
      Don't forget that an ESP LTD is "Limited Edition".
      And I generally will not trust someone who cannot spell the instrument's brand (considering that all guitars have the name ON THE HEAD).
        Don't forget that no matter what, all Epiphones MUST be advertised as Gibsons and every single Squier needs to be advertised as a Fender (or a Squire, to be fair) - it's in bidorbuy's terms and conditions.
          ?

          Mint condition, never used! = Totally regret buying this piece of crap. So bad I never used it, want it GONE AND OUT OF MY LIFE!



            :roflmao: - Keep 'em coming!

            I was chatting to the guys at the Gear Junkie on sat - funny story about how Cash Crusader/Convertors get their pricing...One the fellows was working at a music store in jozi and their local Cash Crusaders would often phone them up for a valuation - which they were always happy to give...

            Pawnshop : Could you give us a valuation on a Fender Squire?

            Store : Sure, let us have a look...yeah, that retails around R10k

            *evil chuckle*


              "Amazing base for pedals" - This amp is so damn loud that if you cranked it up to where it drives, your house will fall down. Also it weighs 90kg - perfect for getting it up the stairs at gigs.

              See also: "Wonderful clean tone."
                "Ayebanes"
                "Ibonaze"
                "Abanez"
                "Ibanz"
                etc.

                - All mean "Ibanez," as written on the headstock in the photograph.
                  peterleroux wrote: Don't forget that no matter what, all Epiphones MUST be advertised as Gibsons and every single Squier needs to be advertised as a Fender (or a Squire, to be fair) - it's in bidorbuy's terms and conditions.
                  So much this.
                    singemonkey wrote: "Amazing base for pedals" - This amp is so damn loud that if you cranked it up to where it drives, your house will fall down. Also it weighs 90kg - perfect for getting it up the stairs at gigs.

                    See also: "Wonderful clean tone."
                    :roflmao:

                    Add to that:

                    "Lots of headroom"
                      Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much trooooooooth in allll of the above - ????
                        "Attention all uber talented musos! I am seeking only the most stupendously talented players capable of writing and mashing together any and all genres to create something incredibly unique and indescribable beyond what I have just written! Please send me details of your formal training + high def audition tape. Don't worry about me, I received high praise at my Bar Mitvah last weekend. Standing ovations all night. Rocked the Shabbat! K peace bye."

                        = Just saw Dream Theater live. I want that but can't really play so need others to do all the work. Please call. Please. Please. Please.






                        Please.
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