arjunmenon
How do you tell if the stage is level?
The drummer is drooling from both sides of his mouth.
How can you tell a drummer's at the door?
The knocking speeds up.
What's the last thing a drummer says in a band?
"Hey, how about we try one of my songs?"
An Indian chief and a cavalry captain climb to the top of a tall hill and look out upon the entire Indian tribe. The captain says worriedly, "I don't like the sound of those drums." The chief says, "I know. It's not our regular drummer."
What do you call a drummer that breaks up with his girlfriend?
Homeless.
What do Ginger Baker and black coffee have in common?
They both suck without Cream.
How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five: One to screw the bulb in, and four to talk about how much better
Neil Peart could've done it.
An amateur drummer died and went to heaven. He was waiting outside the pearly gates when he heard the most incredible fast and furious drumming coming from within. Immediately he recognized the playing and rushed to ask St. Peter if that was Buddy Rich playing drums inside the gates. St. Peter responded: "No, that's God. He just thinks he's Buddy Rich."
How do you get a drummer off of your porch?
Pay him 10 bucks for the pizza.
Why didn't the Little Drummer Boy get into heaven?
Because he woke up the baby, for Christ's sake!
What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
Gifted.
What does a drummer use for contraception?
His personality.
What do you say to a drummer in a three-piece suit?
"Will the defendant please rise?"
"Hey buddy, how late does the band play?"
"Oh, about half a beat behind the drummer."
Hey, did you hear about the drummer who finished high school?
Me neither.
Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car?
So they can park in the handicapped spot.
How is a drum solo like a sneeze?
You know it's coming, but there's nothing you can do about it.
What's the first thing a drummer says when he moves to LA?
"Would you like fries with that, sir?
What is the difference between a drummer and a savings bond?
One will mature and make money.
Why do drummers have lots of kids?
They're not too good at the Rhythm Method.
What do you do if you accidentally run over a drummer?
Back up.
What did the drummer say to the band leader?
"Do you want me to play too fast or too slow?"
Deep in the African jungle, a safari was camped for the night. In the darkness, distant drums began a relentless throbbing that continued until dawn. The safari members were disturbed, but the guide reassured them: "Drums good. When drums stop, very bad." Every night the drumming continued, and every night the guide reiterated, "Drums good. When drums stop, VERY bad." This continues for several days until one morning the drumming suddenly stops and all the natives panic and run screaming. The man asks the guide what's the matter? The guide looking very frightened says: "When drums stop, VERY, VERY bad," he said. "Why is it bad?" asked a member of the safari. "Because when drums stop, bass solo begin!"
Gray
N1 dude, some of these broke me. ?
FatBoy
Hahahaha!, Some good ones in there!
Riaan-Combrink
Here's one gor the bassists!! ?
A one time musician reaches adulthood...it does happen...gives up the rock and roll life style and marries. He gets the mortgage and the kid. The child reaches his teenage years and hearing of Dad's youthful adventures decides that he too would like to become a musician.
Dad says, "Okay, but you must do this properly and take lessons on the instrument. What do you want to play?"
Junior replies, "I want to be a bass player."
"Fine," says the proud Dad and he goes out and buys a Junior a bass and amp and arranges for the lessons. Junior returns from his first lesson and Dad asks how it went. "Great!" says the lad,"I learned all the notes on the E string." "Terrific!", Dad replies.
The next week Junior returns from the 2nd lesson. Dad asks again how it went. "Cool", says Junior, "I learned all the notes on the A string." "Good progress," smile Dad.
The next week Dad comes home to find Junior sitting with his Nintendo. "Hey, I thought you had a bass lesson today. " Junior looks up and says, "Yeah, but I blew it off, I've got a gig."
Renesongs
That bassist joke would be funnier if it wasn't so close to the truth. Although here is a good drinking game to play with guitars friends. Randomly play a note not on the E or A stings and give them 2 seconds to correctly name the notes. I know that I won't play that game.
Martyr
all those are on the www.muz.co.za site ?
but they are REALLY funny!!! ?
Heath
Right a Guitarist joke (waits for the lynching)
How do you slow a guitarist down ....... put sheet music infront of him
how do you get a guitarist to stop ...... put notes on it .
Bassist joke
how do you confuse a bassist ........... detune one of his strings and don't tell him which one
AlanRatcliffe
Well seeing as this has gone off topic, I'll have to swing it around to my favourite category of jokes: Ovation guitars. There has always been something that bothered me about a guitar made from the same stuff as it's case.
30 Things you can do with an Ovation
01. Shoot buckshot at the back, then use it to strain spaghetti.
02. Best personal flotation device since Dolly Parton.
03. Bobsled for that snowstorm that caught you unprepared.
04. The shell is great for DEEP dish pizza-and if the guitar melts, who cares?
05. Bicycle helmet
06. There's enough wood in the top for some matchsticks...
07. An oar
08. A large cereal bowl.
09. Put it on your back -Teenage Mutant Ninja Ovations!
10. Water skis
11. Use it as a riot shield - you're gonna need it when they hear the sound of the thing
12. Cheap medieval shield
13. BoogieBoard
14. Nail it to a stump and use it as a birdbath
15. El Kabong
16. Hammer small tacks
17. Drive someone crazy by asking them to get a good tone from it
18. Nose cone for a jet?
19. Shoot the rapids - Ovation Kayak co.
20. Mount skinny wheels on the headstock, big wheels in the back, and go soapbox derby racing.
21. Use it as a decorative Tossed Salad Centerpiece at your next Contemporary Dinner..
22. Catch-basin for at-home oil changes.
23. Baby's bathtub (lift the top and prop it up with the neck as a sunshade)
24. Tie above to a skateboard, doubles as a stroller.
25. Dressmaker's form for flat-chested women.
26. Find something to plug up the sound hole and use it to store food.
27. Hang it next to a Hondo acoustic... Or anything you want to overcharge for... it'll make it look better...
28. My lettuce has never been crisper
29. Leave the top on and nail it to a tree for a lovely birdhouse
30. Avoid speeding tickets: break off neck and stick it under wife's top - she's on the way to delivery, officer!
Ovation Riddles:
Q. Whats the difference between a trampoline and an Ovation Guitar?
A. You take your shoes off before jumping on the trampoline.
Q: What does an Ovation guitar and an out of body experience have in common?
A: Both have good projection, but lack body and substance.
Q: What's the difference between an Ovation guitar and a boat paddle?
A: The boat paddle is more melodic, (though somewhat less resilient).
Q: What's the difference between an Ovation guitar and helicoptor blades?
A: While the projection is similar, the helicoptor blades have a warmer and more balanced response at the lower frequencies.
Q: What's the difference between Roseanne Barr and an Ovation guitar?
A: Roseanne has a more rounded midrange and better intonation in the higher registers.
Q: What's the difference between an onion and an Ovation?
A: Nobody cries when you cut up an Ovation
Q: What's the difference between an Ovation guitar and a bed Pan ?
A: Strings.
Riaan
my favourite category of jokes: Ovation guitars
Ouch....!
?
arjunmenon
Riaan wrote:
my favourite category of jokes: Ovation guitars
Ouch....!
?
You cut me deep, Alan..i'm scarred for life now ?
Actually, i shouldn't be laughing...i own an ovation
AlanRatcliffe
Sorry ? I never got on with them and they are even more of a bitch to repair.
Bane
shew man am i glad this is a guitar forum...for your sakes hahaha ?
AlanRatcliffe
Bane wrote:
shew man am i glad this is a guitar forum...for your sakes hahaha ?
Because the Ovation doesn't qualify? ?
Jokes aside:
Lyrachord (the material used for Ovation bowls) was developed as an anti-vibrational coating for helicopter blades by Kaman Aerospace. Charlie Kaman is also a guitarist and figured the stability would be good for the back and sides of a guitar and developed the Ovation, which was a huge success (at first). This was mainly due to the fact that it was the first guitar to incorporate piezo pickups, getting closer to a "real" acoustic sound than any method short of micing up, but without the feedback issues of using mics.
Charlie Kaman has always played Guild guitars and has never used Ovations himself.
Bane
Lol oops. true, but the drummer jokes are just...brutal!
NIHIL
What has 3 legs and a c*&t.......?
A drum stool
?
Heath
BWahahahahahahahahaha Brilliant
NIHIL
Oh sorry wasnt meant as a joke.Oh well........ ???
AlanRatcliffe
That is brillant Fritz!
I think he can actually play to some degree - certainly looks like it in places.
