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Friday 28 August 2009, 23:07

I remember when I was little how excited I was about my first set of swimming wings. It meant that for the first time I was able to swim at the deep end of the pool... I remember the sense of adventure I felt... the excitement of doing something for the first time.

Currently I find myself in a very different place in my life. Through a combination of various bad choices and the current economic state, I find myself in the most difficult financial position I have ever been. Emotionally, the last couple of month has felt to me like being at the deep end of the pool, but without the safety wings, and I am about to go under...

Music wise I find myself in a very similar place. I’ve been playing guitar for about three years now, but a bit half-heartedly, I have to admit. I started jamming with the keyboard player at my church about a year ago, and I must say that the experience has made me grow a lot musically speaking. The keyboardist and I are now the band of the church (it’s a very small church).
Through various things happening, I now find myself in the position where I might end up being the only band member for a few months.
I feel very unprepared for this, which have been the cause of a lack of sleep and an abundance of stress the past week, both musically and spiritually speaking.

But tonight the thought struck me: I am the type of person that needs to be motivated to really do something well. The past month or so I have been practicing guitar like never before. Becoming a better guitarist is no longer a dream, but it is actually happening. I am motivated and dedicated... something that I haven’t been in a very long time.

Being at the deep end of the pool without my training wings is no longer a frightening experience. The fear of drowning has subsided, and the sense of adventure has replaced it.

This has caused me to think differently about the other parts of my life. Think about it: Every problem is now an opportunity to not make the same stupid mistakes.

Although I am still at the deep end of the pool, doggy pedalling, I am learning how to swim.

This is a lesson my music has thought me.

Question 1: Why am I writing this?
Maybe there are those of you that are also at the proverbial ‘deep end of the pool’ in your lives, and although your circumstances may vary drastically from mine, I hope that, through your music, you will find yourself!

Question 2: Why am I writing at 23:07 on a Friday night?
If I don’t write it now, I probably never will!
    +1 Pieter!

    Wow! I thought I was the only one in the financial deep end of the pool at this time.
    I was retrenched during July last year and have had to learn to swim without waterwings and a massive weight of debt strapped around my ankle. Hectic stuff! But it has changed me forever.

    I have definitely felt the "sense of adventure" as you so aptly put it. I think working from the age of 19 to 40, every day, 8 to 5, same old, same old, blah blah blah..... eventually stifled my spirit. The amazing thing now is that although I have the bank and my old cell phone provider calling me every day; and I know and feel the psychological and physical effect on me, I'm almost relishing the experience (don't tell the bank that though)!

    I feel it is a lesson that I needed to learn. To experience not having enough money for bread the first time was daunting, to say the least ?
    Now, when I'm penniless, as I am right now, I go into a sort of meditation and reflect on how things were 5 years ago. Nevermind bread, I had the money to buy whatever I liked. I owned a house in Plattekloof and a loft in Three Anchor Bay. I drove the latest model Audi and always had money to waste. And waste I did. It was an eternal pursuit of happiness, strictly on a material level. Was I happy? I tried hard to make everyone, including myself, believe I was, but clearly, it showed that I wasn't.

    I have started to feel a definite sense of freedom and relief, despite the practical implications of being in this situation ?
    At least I am enjoying what I do every day and things are starting to look up nicely. It is one helluva adventure and has definitely jump started my survival neurons. The greatest thing is the freedom. Money couldn't make me happy then and it will never have an influence on my happiness again. Believe it or not, I am happy with the new road I am on ?
      Hi,

      Wow, that sure sums it up for me as well. I'm moving to a more expensive place in the coming week and the reason is not extra cash but lack of space. For my business to succeed I need a bigger place so I'm taking a salary cut basically to hopefully suceed in the long term.

      I have to constantly remind myself that this is not an obstacle but an opportunity to grow...but I have to remind myself a couple of times a day.

      And with my guitar playing it is the same, If I don't make and see the opportunity I will never be any better than I'm now.

      So Pieter, I see your point exactly, and it seems there is quite a few of us in this boat. Head up and try and stay positive, I struggle alot with negativity so hopefully you guys can do better.

      Cheers
        Hi guys,

        There are 2 types of people in this world. Those that will rather sink than swim and those that learn to swim very fast.
        I don't know you Pieter, but your attitude is right, so I am sure you will make it.

        Graeme, you I do know, and for the type of person you are, there will still be huge success in life!

        Remember: You attitude determines your altitude!

        Lean

          Actually there are exactly 10 types of person in the world.

          Those who count in binary and those who can't.
            inflames wrote: Graeme, you I do know, and for the type of person you are, there will still be huge success in life!
            Seems that Graeme is realizing the success already. To define success? To be what people expect you to be? To achieve what people expect you to achieve? Nah, maybe that isnt really success.

            Thanks for these posts. Feelgood stuff for me.
              For various reasons, I've not been here for a while. Interesting that this should be one of the first things I read as I logged on this morning. I feel like I'm also at the deep end at them moment.

              The last 2 or 3 weeks have been the most exciting, happy and dark and emotional time of my entire life so far, all at the same time.

              On the upside: My wife and I recently found out that we're gonna have a baby after trying for about a year and getting pretty discouraged about the whole thing. Funnily enough, we got pregnant the moment we let it go. I'm overjoyed about this and I'm feeling things that I've never felt before.

              My studio and work as producer seems to be taking off out of nowhere. I used to help out folks here and there, but now I'm on my 10th project this year alone and my studio keeps expanding while all my projects seem to be doing well, even outside of South-Africa. I feel alive in the studio, working to get the best out of who I work with. I've found that record-production includes every aspect I love about music. If I'm honest, this is probably what I want to do with the rest of my life.

              At the same time my whole life seems to be changing. I've been touring/gigging pretty much non-stop since late-2004 in various bands, making a large chunk of my income off it. As much as I love getting on stage I've started finding over the last year or so that it drains me instead of making me excited like it used to. At least it seems like almost all the "money"-gigs do. Even though we've never been "high-profile", we've somehow managed to make money but the recession also hasn't been kind to us, resulting in less income and more and more venues screwing us money-wise. I also don't want to be away from my wife and baby.

              My whole family has been through a helluva lot lately. I can't really go into details about it. Suffice to say that the stuff that happened are some of the things you always think happen to "other people". I don't know if or how we will ever recover from this. The shock of this has left my wife and I both being very ill with flu. Today was the first day in about a week that I felt OK enough to just get up. She still needs to stay in bed for the sake of our baby.

              I know that my life is taking a very different turn to what I've been doing so far and I'm quite uneasy about it. I guess I'd like to still do the gigs I'm excited about, but spend most of my time in the studio but that's definitely gonna be a shift financially, at least in the beginning, and I'm a little scared about it because there obviously are no guarantees. We also need to find a way to deal with the bad stuff that's happened.

              Funny how the things that touch you the most come from the most unexpected places. The other day guy who sells us paint (for the new baby's room) remarked in a weird, seemingly insignificant way about something completely unrelated: "You must have faith."

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                • Post #9
                Congratulations, Jo! I hope all goes well.
                  Stratisfear wrote: Congratulations, Jo! I hope all goes well.
                  Thank you very much! ?
                    Mixed bag for you then Jo... all I can say is use the good stuff to temper the impact of the bad.

                    Musically, you have to follow your muse and opportunities where they take you. The main thing is that you are having fun doing something you love and making a living out of it. These shifts (I've been through half a dozen already ?) always come with some uncertainty and a few rocky bits, but cast doubt aside, throw yourself into it with passion and remember what is important and things will work out for the best.
                      It's true Alan. And it's good to hear that from someone else, even though one knows these things already deep inside. I guess this isn't the first shift like this and it will probably not be the last.

                      BTW, all the best to Pieter, Mannemarak, Graeme and anyone else who finds themselves in the deep end.
                        I think this financial period is hard on everyone.
                        I'm back to playing my guitar...just struggling with Cm... :-\
                        At the moment, I'm daydreaming and weighing up the pro's and con's of various things...
                          It kind of hit me as well, the business has been doing bad and i've been without a income for 2 months now, and hopefully not going for a number 3..... It has started picking up again and hopefully things will be back to normal in about 2 weeks.
                          I basically lived on back up money that i started saving 5months ago, if ever something like this happened, and it did now.

                          But the positive side is that i made alot of really great friends(some on the forum) .
                          My guitar playing improved alot, because i had lots of time to play the thing.
                          (i am recording 2 of my bands first demo's this weekend, 1 for another band, 1 african soundtrack i have to complete,some samples for the tube tamer, and i'll try and do a instrumental shreddy type song as well), all with programmed drums so there is a lot of room for error.
                          ha ha .

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