Rants from a wannabe musician...

V8

Remember to laugh... ?

You never knew it, but you need a telecaster. Made out of your kitchen table. Or a barndoor. Or up-cycle a Les Paul - there's a few things LP is useful for - Surprisingly, not all of them are as a kitchen chopping block.

Bass players are cool. Even if they are very lonely people trending towards extinction. Help them out, get a bass. Something that you'll hardly play, weighs more than all your guitars together and has strings that could have been used as T-Rex leashes in the jurassic age.

Valves are also cool. It's all about the breakup. Which will inevitably happen, coz your partner won't understand. That's okay, you got the bass right?

Yes, you DO really need that 1000000W amp. Something sooo powerful that when you turn it on, the sun dims. And keep the volume at around 0.5. Any louder and the earth might burst. At that volume, you'd get better tone plugged into a box of rice crispies, but being able to sonically strip paint is too much like good fun to deter you.

And effects? Indeed you must have, there's no better way to age prematurely than a pedal board. Ensure that you run everything off 9V batteries, have as many overdrives as you have strings and use R2 patch cables. This will help you achieve the spinal tapped, holy grail of tone...when you bypass the board, plug straight into the sun-dimming amp turned up to 0.5.

Get a multi-fx and claim bonus points - nothing better than not reading the encyclopedia that came with it - since the unit will be a highly functional paperweight, you never really needed to.

Hasie

Quite enjoyed that.

NorioDS

Hahahahaah! What a toot. Loved it ?

NorioDS

Hmmm I think I meant "hoot". But I may have tooted so I guess we'll keep both.

Chabenda

So many true words spoken in jest!!

?

V8

Chabenda wrote: So many true words spoken in jest!!

?

All I had to do for inspiration was recall jam rooms from times gone by...

Telecaster (body from a roofing truss), nicknamed the "Turdcaster". It was SO bad, that it could only be sold on as a ornament. Check.
Bass guitar(s) that have fossilized strings older than I am (but not dusty enough...which clearly indicates I'm a bachelor). Check.
100W 70's Marshall Super Bass valve head w/4x12 cab. If it went past 0.5 the cops pitched up. Every *&^%ing time. And it only started to sound decent at about 4. Check.
Pedals/fx...I could do 5000 words of cynicism and just scratch the surface. Using 4999 of them for multi-fx. Check.

Norio wrote: Hmmm I think I meant "hoot". But I may have tooted so I guess we'll keep both.

Most would say my first post was a complete toot... ?

NorioDS

Feel free to give us a weekly toot like this! I loved it ?

I can even give you a segment in the newsletter if you're up for the challenge ?

V8

Norio wrote: Feel free to give us a weekly toot like this! I loved it ?

I can even give you a segment in the newsletter if you're up for the challenge ?

Errrr, doubt I can do it weekly and not start to sound lamer than I already did ???

But, I'll note my sarcastic spewing and send em through when there's enough for a few chuckles.

Lu22

V8 wrote: Bass players are cool. Even if they are very lonely people trending towards extinction. Help them out, get a bass. Something that you'll hardly play, weighs more than all your guitars together and has strings that could have been used as T-Rex leashes in the jurassic age.

Get a multi-fx and claim bonus points - nothing better than not reading the encyclopedia that came with it - since the unit will be a highly functional paperweight, you never really needed to.

As a bass guitarist I approve.