Christmas Music Rant

wirt · 2012-12-12T11:38:05+00:00

So there I was striding into Spar after I left the office, my goal being stock up on my daily dose of nicotine and soft-drinks. Now please note, I was in my happy place. Long day over, ready to go home, kick back, relax and just chill for a bit before going to bed, which, sadly, I was looking greatly forward to. So, ambling up and down the isles, looking for some snacks, I become agitated and little things start changing: My slow stride has been increased to a hunched-over, chin tucked in, slightly bowed legs I-mean-business-get-the-hell-out-of-my-way stride with clawed hands twitching at my sides. When my brain catches up to what my subconscious has been doing I stop in one of the isles and try a moment of introspection to figure out what the hell just happened. I went from happy Spar patron to "kill everyone that ever lived" angry viking mode in 1 minute flat for no discernible reason. Slightly dazed by this I examine my environment for likely suspects. No massive crowds bumping and jostling me. No crying children with uncaring parents about. No pungent aromas of Eau de Expiré from the dairy section assaulting my nostrils... But there was a certain whining drone going on... Then it hit me: Kenny "&*%*-ing" G. His insipid "soothing" saxophone was poking me right in the ear. My apologies to the Kenny G fans, but holy shit that guy and his Soundtrack To A Coma music can &*%^ right off. With all the "calm and soothing" tones that man generates it's a bloody wonder he hasn't metamorphosed into a bottle of Eno's yet. Now take Kenny "&%$#-ing" G, feed him about 3 Valium's with a shot of vodka and make him play "Silent Night". That was what was oozing into my earlobes and poking me right in the angry button. Which brings me to my point: Why are Christmas songs so bloody horrible!? I consider myself a lover of music with a quite eclectic taste, and I don't mean both Heavy Metal and Blues, but almost any music genre (not that I'm an expert, mind you). Going through a crapload of music assures you will soon find yourself listening to music that deal with themes you might never have found in other genres (as an aside, love and broken hearts can be done in any genre of music, but if you want dystopian future done right, you have to find yourself some Industrial) and as such, I think I've heard a few. Just to prove a point: Saul Williams' hip-hop/beat poetry rants eloquently describe poverty in black communities in America as remnant effect of Segregation with a healthy dose of "Stick it to The Man", and it sounds good. If there are artists out there that can write music like that and perform it with skill and passion, why the hell can't anyone write a Christmas song that doesn't make me want to projectile vomit into the nearest Look & Listen Christmas section just to prove a point!? Disclaimer: I know I'm not being reasonable, just let me drip my venom somewhere, ok? ?

Wizard

Donovan Banks wrote WooOOOooooohoOOOoooOOOooooooOOooohOOoooooooooOOOOoooooooo

Impressive
?

strataxe

Does Ac/Dc's Hell's Bells qualify for a Chrismas song? LOL Its a time of the year that I hate. Wish it would get over and done with. As for radio stations, I don't listen to them for music. the last time I listened to radio was when 2000 had Ray White and Nocole da silva in the mornigns and they played anything rock/metal, from Ozzy to guns and roses(rahter Ac/dc to ZZtop). and when that show dies, I didn't listen to radio again. I download or buy what I want to listen to. I only listen to a couple of 702's shows and when that becomes irritating I switch off.

Chabenda

strataxe wrote Does Ac/Dc's Hell's Bells qualify for a Chrismas song? LOL Its a time of the year that I hate. Wish it would get over and done with. As for radio stations, I don't listen to them for music. the last time I listened to radio was when 2000 had Ray White and Nocole da silva in the mornigns and they played anything rock/metal, from Ozzy to guns and roses(rahter Ac/dc to ZZtop). and when that show dies, I didn't listen to radio again. I download or buy what I want to listen to. I only listen to a couple of 702's shows and when that becomes irritating I switch off.

Count yourself lucky!!! I only get the BBC with their looped news programs. Although I should count myself lucky, at least I get that!

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