wirt
So there I was striding into Spar after I left the office, my goal being stock up on my daily dose of nicotine and soft-drinks. Now please note, I was in my happy place. Long day over, ready to go home, kick back, relax and just chill for a bit before going to bed, which, sadly, I was looking greatly forward to. So, ambling up and down the isles, looking for some snacks, I become agitated and little things start changing: My slow stride has been increased to a hunched-over, chin tucked in, slightly bowed legs I-mean-business-get-the-hell-out-of-my-way stride with clawed hands twitching at my sides. When my brain catches up to what my subconscious has been doing I stop in one of the isles and try a moment of introspection to figure out what the hell just happened. I went from happy Spar patron to "kill everyone that ever lived" angry viking mode in 1 minute flat for no discernible reason. Slightly dazed by this I examine my environment for likely suspects. No massive crowds bumping and jostling me. No crying children with uncaring parents about. No pungent aromas of Eau de Expiré from the dairy section assaulting my nostrils... But there was a certain whining drone going on... Then it hit me: Kenny "&*%*-ing" G. His insipid "soothing" saxophone was poking me right in the ear. My apologies to the Kenny G fans, but holy shit that guy and his Soundtrack To A Coma music can &*%^ right off. With all the "calm and soothing" tones that man generates it's a bloody wonder he hasn't metamorphosed into a bottle of Eno's yet. Now take Kenny "&%$#-ing" G, feed him about 3 Valium's with a shot of vodka and make him play "Silent Night". That was what was oozing into my earlobes and poking me right in the angry button.
Which brings me to my point: Why are Christmas songs so bloody horrible!? I consider myself a lover of music with a quite eclectic taste, and I don't mean both Heavy Metal and Blues, but almost any music genre (not that I'm an expert, mind you). Going through a crapload of music assures you will soon find yourself listening to music that deal with themes you might never have found in other genres (as an aside, love and broken hearts can be done in any genre of music, but if you want dystopian future done right, you have to find yourself some Industrial) and as such, I think I've heard a few. Just to prove a point: Saul Williams' hip-hop/beat poetry rants eloquently describe poverty in black communities in America as remnant effect of Segregation with a healthy dose of "Stick it to The Man", and it sounds good. If there are artists out there that can write music like that and perform it with skill and passion, why the hell can't anyone write a Christmas song that doesn't make me want to projectile vomit into the nearest Look & Listen Christmas section just to prove a point!?
Disclaimer: I know I'm not being reasonable, just let me drip my venom somewhere, ok? ?
Chabenda
Yeah Wirt, Couldn't agree more with regards to Kenny G. He is obviously an amazing artist and has made a heck of a lot of money (something I have failed to do) but my thoughts regarding Kenny G include his saxophone, one kg of petroleum jelly and some brute, physical force. His music winds me up too! Please don't apologise to him, he owes us big!
The (your/our?) problem with Christmas music is that most of it has been written eons ago for older age groups and different cultures. Added to that we have had it crammed down our throats since we were born. Associating it with tacky Christmas marketing schemes also adds to the negativity. Having Kenny G performing these tunes really tops it off.
Fortunately for me, in Tete, most of our shops are Muslim owned and they haven't got around to Kenny G'ing the Koran! Ughh...Haram!
AlanRatcliffe
We've spoken before about the specifics of Muzak and how it is used in a semi-nefarious way to persuade us to part with more of our hard-earned funds...
There's nothing wrong with the music itself. Music is just notes - it's the arrangement and production that makes all the difference.
Bob-Dubery
You can't market everything to everybody all of the time.
Marketing strategies are aimed at the target market, or the average person.
Now I will reveal unto thee a most unpopular truth. Most people don't care about music for the sake of music. They like it as a backdrop to their own lives, and maybe as an extension of the cultural space that they see themselves inhabiting.
A mate of mine flipped out in a movie house recently. We got there very early (thanks to a miscalculation by one of out party) and sat in a theatre for about 30 minutes with some banal pop music playing. Unfortunately the music fitted in with said mate's conspiracy theory that there is a plot afoot to wipe out the "Western" heritage and anybody who adheres to it. He then called his daughter on the cell phone and said "listen to this" and demanded to know exactly what you called this stuff. His daughter told him to "chill" (which did not decrease his unhappiness) then told him it sounded to her like acid jazz. So he then stormed off to the manager's office and told them that he's sick and tired of having acid jazz shoved down his throat and blah blah. Manager told him that he's very early and there's still time to go and get a drink and chill (that word again).
I didn't care for that music either (but then I don't care for the music backdrop at many gatherings of my social circle) but I wasn't going to get that upset about it, and I don't believe it was a few shots fired in a cultural war.
Anyway, few people listen to the music FOR the music. If you do you are a statistical glitch and the marketing types are prepared to miss you if by playing Kenny G they can create an ambience that most of their customers and target customer base see as friendly and non-threatening and non-challenging. I'd rather listen to, say, Steely Dan or Nick Drake or Gillian Welch whilst doing the shopping, but it wouldn't make for a nice innocuous, non-challenging back drop and so it ain't going to happen.
I also listen to music that would, I think, have many GFSA members (and some of my friends) running screaming with their fingers stuck in their airs to avoid any further exposure to the awfulness of it all (or putting polite smiles on their faces). I'm kind of resigned to the most of the world being out of step with me musically, and I know that when I go into a mall or even most pubs I'm going to be confronted with a wall of muzak. It hasn't killed me yet, and I don't feel that it's intended to pose any threat to me or to stake out territory and say "you ain't welcome here, bro". It's just about trying to get Joe and Joanne Average into the mall and keep them there.
Coming back to said mate. A while back he found himself at a business piss-up/meal thingy and talking to Jeremy Mansfield. He told Mansfield that he thought that Highveld was a great radio station EXCEPT for the music. Jezza asks "how old are you?". Mate tells him. Jezza says "Well, I don't want to be rude or anything, but the fact of the matter is that we're not marketing to people your age, and neither are our sponsors and advertisers, and to put not to fine a point on it you don't count and nobody is going to shed a tear because you don't like the music on Highveld."
And that is how things work.
PS: Kenny G doesn't have good pitch and plays sharp quite often.
Garth-S
You should download Sufjan Stevens' free Christmas album off www.noisetrade.com ? He shakes the whole genre up a bit... one of his songs is called "The Christmas Unicorn"
giggsy
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guidothepimmp
Christmas music is the aural equivalent of a haemorrhoid
DaFiz
studmissile
Suppose it depends on What Kind Of Christmas Song, I love "Sock it to me Santa" By Bob Seger
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Bob-Dubery
guidothepimmp wrote
Christmas music is the aural equivalent of a haemorrhoid
It's not all Boney M and Celine Dion. There's some fab Christmas songs. Even carols can be quite good - though the ones that are common these days sound like a good accompaniment to a funeral (and have been recorded by Boney bloody M). "Good King Wenceslas" and "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" are great to sing.
Alan is right, a lot depends on the production and the spirit in which things are done. There's no reason why Christmas songs HAVE to suck.
studmissile
or this!
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Riaan-Combrink
My favourite non-suck Christmas song:
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Chabenda
guidothepimmp wrote
Christmas music is the aural equivalent of a haemorrhoid
:roflmao:
Mr-M
guidothepimmp wrote
Christmas music is the aural equivalent of a haemorrhoid
With only a few exceptions, I do believe you are quite correct. Couldn't have put it better myself. ?
aubs1
Never get tired of this one ....
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Malkav
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IceCreamMan
Kevin Wilson - caution there is some profanity ..... i say some , i mean a lot ...so dont clickee if you may be offended
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Sean
wirt wrote
Which brings me to my point: Why are Christmas songs so bloody horrible!? I consider myself a lover of music with a quite eclectic taste, and I don't mean both Heavy Metal and Blues, but almost any music genre (not that I'm an expert, mind you). Going through a crapload of music assures you will soon find yourself listening to music that deal with themes you might never have found in other genres
I came across this today. I can easily listen to a lot of this sort of "Christmas music". I really love his playing.
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Bob-Dubery
DonovanB
I think Bob had it, if it's fun to sing it's quite a bit better than others. Yet I can't stand some of my favourites being sung by a choir. Choirs kill the best of songs for me.
and to make me seem even wierder, my favourite Christmas song these days is that Mariah Carey one. It's like an audio version of where's Waldo trying to find a place where she doesn't WooOOOooooohoOOOoooOOOooooooOOooohOOoooooooooOOOOoooooooo
