Wirt's Saga: The Escape From Sucktitude

wirt · 2012-11-22T11:59:37+00:00

So, I've started this thread as a kind of public log of my progress from absolute beginner to hopefully being able to express myself musically with one of the finest musical instruments ever made: the guitar. No man is an island and I figured something like this would help to keep me motivated to play, perhaps provide some entertainment value to the other forumites and maybe even help other beginners who stumble upon my ramblings avoid the same mistakes I made. I'm not specifically looking for feedback, if you can read this and chuckle at my stupidity I'd consider it a success ? Updated periodically whenever I feel the need to rant about something. Chapter 1: How to not learn guitar, by Wirt. 1. Buy a guitar without knowing a single thing about anything about guitars. Just pick the one that looks coolest and that you can afford. When the salesman dodges your questions about whether it's a decent guitar or not like a seasoned politician simply assume he's not a very talkative fellow. 2. Everybody knows that in order to be a master, you have to learn from a master. So disregard all the beginner's courses and download every single tutorial DVD and video you can find by Zakk Wylde, Paul Gilbert and Steve Vai. Attempt each lesson only once before giving up. 3. Never, ever learn any chords. You want to be a lead guitarist capable of shredding at a billion notes per seecond. Chords are for old people and folk guitarists and Bob Dylan wasn't noted for his shredding skills. Except power chords. Those are OK. 4. In order to become a lead guitarist, you need fast fingers. In order to get your prestidigitation up to scratch, learn exactly one scale. Practice it in one direction only. 5. Spend 50 minutes out of every 1 hour practice session looking up gear on the internet. 6. Buy a crappy multi-effects pedal. Spend almost all of your time mastering it by playing the same power chord over and over again on the different settings. 7. You probably heard about "Smoke on the water" being banned in some music shops because beginners play it constantly. Obviously that must be because it's a great riff for a beginner to learn, right? Learn the riff and practice it constantly, marvelling at how good you sound through your amp on high gain. Stroke your ego a bit, you deserve it for working so hard. 8. When your friend, who's been playing for several years, plays your guitar and calls it a Piece Of Shit(tm), ignore him as well as his reasons for saying so. 9. When that same friend offers to teach you something, don't take him up on it. Avoid any situation that might reveal how little you really know about playing guitar. 10. This one is important: Never take personal responsibility for your lack of progress. If only you didn't have such huge hands you wouldn't be struggling to get all your fingers on frets close to each other. If you had a harder pick you would be able to pick notes easier. If you only started playing when you were younger, you could have had all that started-at-a-young-age in-born talent. Give up easily and set unreasonably high expectations for improvement. I have followed all these steps religiously from the first time I ever picked up a guitar with the intention of mastering it, and in no time at all I was even worse off than I started. I was arrogant, impatient and had no self-discipline when it came to practising. I got absolutely nowhere at all and my failure developed into a sense of self-loathing pretty damn fast. The breaking point came one day when I spoke to one of my dad's friends about learning guitar: "You just practice and practice and after six months it finally starts making sense", he said. SIX MONTHS!? Holy Hell. I want to be a good player NOW! If it was hard work learning to play it wouldn't be called "playing", would it? I almost never picked up that guitar again, it stood there in my room as a silent monument to failure. Looking back, I'm glad I made those mistakes then when I had the time to make them. They will not be repeated. Chapter 2 coming soon-ish.

wirt

MoreCowBell wrote I'mvery late to this party, but in response to:

wirt wrote 7. USE A FUCKING METRONOME...
Amen brother. Amen. :applause:

Perseverance is the key. Just don't give up!

Ain't no party here, brother, only sucking ?
Metronome'ing is no.2 on the list of things I have to keep reminding myself to do constantly. There were things I've been trying to play that just didn't sound right until I tried playing alongside a metronome and BAM! it sounded a thousand times better instantly. Still hate the son-of-a-bitch, though...

BMU wrote Really enjoyed the opening posts. Episode 1 sounded so very very familiar.

Like a reformed alcoholic too, I remind myself every day that I suck at playing guitar. There's no sense losing sight of the painful underlying truth.

Thanks for reading ?
And you sucking? Listen man, I listen to some of your stuff on SoundClick just now and my suck-o-meter registered exactly 0.01 Dursts (sucking is measured in Fred Durst's), which is probably just background suck from a Limp Bizkit CD that was played in the last year or so in the vicinity of recording. You are the opposite of suck.

BMU

Ohhhh...yeah. I shouldn't post such comments 'cos it might sound insincere. But I know the areas I suck in, trust me they're many LOL. And I know the masses of time I've put into this. Anyone with a high threshold for tedium could do it HAHAHA.

Besides, there's joy and freedom in shrugging off those inflated ego illusions and owning one's own suckage! ?

Thanks for listening, appresh very much indeed!

(Dursts LOL)

Norman86

Wirt, just an aside... MoreCowBell is a sister, not a brother ? ?

wirt

Norman86 wrote Wirt, just an aside... MoreCowBell is a sister, not a brother ? ?

Aw sheeit ? I thought that avatar was a pic of a dude with metal locks behind a camera ?

How did I ever transition from "People with long hair are female until proven otherwise" to "People with long hair are male until proven non-Viking"? ??? Metal has scarred me for life...

Norman86

When in doubt, check the profile ?

PS: Vikings are awesome! ?

[deleted]

wirt wrote
Norman86 wrote Wirt, just an aside... MoreCowBell is a sister, not a brother ? ?
Aw sheeit ? I thought that avatar was a pic of a dude with metal locks behind a camera ?

How did I ever transition from "People with long hair are female until proven otherwise" to "People with long hair are male until proven non-Viking"? ??? Metal has scarred me for life...

LOL! I should probably change my avatar... ?

But, to get back to business, re metronomes - they are massively annoying, I don't know anyone who actually loves theirs. Sadly this doesn't make them any less useful though!

Warren

MoreCowBell wrote

But, to get back to business, re metronomes - they are massively annoying, I don't know anyone who actually loves theirs. Sadly this doesn't make them any less useful though!

This might not be what you're referring to, but just a point from my end: you don't have to use a typical metronome ("beep", "beep", "beep", "click"...). I prefer using drum loops, or some kind of drum-like beat generator (there is free stuff online). It just feels a bit more natural and musical.

[deleted]

ShreddySmurf wrote This might not be what you're referring to, but just a point from my end: you don't have to use a typical metronome ("beep", "beep", "beep", "click"...). I prefer using drum loops, or some kind of drum-like beat generator (there is free stuff online). It just feels a bit more natural and musical.

Very good point. I was referring to a "beep, beep, beep, click" (I'm actually cellist and a metronome is easier to carry around than drum loops. Though that could be totally awesome: Apocalyptica-style scales! 8) Lol!) but anything that's more reliable than one's own vague, internal sense of rhythm will do the trick.

Bob-Dubery

I find that a loop station is a good tool for sharpening up one's timing.

Norman86

X-rated Bob wrote I find that a loop station is a good tool for sharpening up one's timing.

yeah, and they can be found super cheap if you keep your eye out on gumtree and the like!
I got my RC3 for a steal!
besides, its probably the best way to play with yourself!

domhatch

MoreCowBell wrote Very good point. I was referring to a "beep, beep, beep, click" (I'm actually a cellist and a metronome is easier to carry around than drum loops. Though that could be totally awesome: Apocalyptica-style scales! 8) Lol!) but anything that's more reliable than one's own vague, internal sense of rhythm will do the trick.

i'm sorry. that's just plain hysterical. a cellist stating one thing is easier to carry around than another. it's kinda like a drummer claiming this batch of 14 things is easier to carry around than that batch of 14 things.

my mind. it's stuffed. i'm sorry.
dh

wirt

Anybody else use something like this?
JustinGuitar's Metronome App

I figured I always have your cellphone with me. Another one I found useful is this little app for it's "Tap Tempo" feature. Tap the button along with the rythm of a song to get the approximate BPM, which you can then set on your metronome to practice along with.

Psean

wirt wrote Anybody else use something like this?
JustinGuitar's Metronome App

I figured I always have your cellphone with me. Another one I found useful is this little app for it's "Tap Tempo" feature. Tap the button along with the rythm of a song to get the approximate BPM, which you can then set on your metronome to practice along with.

If you always have my phone, how the hell am I supposed to use the metronome app? >☹ ?

I use thishttp://www.nch.com.au/metronome/index.html on the PC.

wirt

Psean wrote If you always have my phone, how the hell am I supposed to use the metronome app? >☹ ?

See, kids, this is why you should never drink 5 cups of coffee in as many hours with only 2 hours of sleep. The more you know! ?

Psean

wirt wrote
Psean wrote If you always have my phone, how the hell am I supposed to use the metronome app? >☹ ?
See, kids, this is why you should never drink 5 cups of coffee in as many hours with only 2 hours of sleep. The more you know! ?

Hehe ?

[deleted]

domhatch wrote
MoreCowBell wrote Very good point. I was referring to a "beep, beep, beep, click" (I'm actually a cellist and a metronome is easier to carry around than drum loops. Though that could be totally awesome: Apocalyptica-style scales! 8) Lol!) but anything that's more reliable than one's own vague, internal sense of rhythm will do the trick.
i'm sorry. that's just plain hysterical. a cellist stating one thing is easier to carry around than another. it's kinda like a drummer claiming this batch of 14 things is easier to carry around than that batch of 14 things.

lol! well, a cello is definitely easier to carry around than a double bass, or a grand piano (or my 29kg bass amp, for that matteR). And, once you're schlepping a cello around, the rest of your accessories need to be as small as possible - hence, a metronome is easier than a laptop!

domhatch

MoreCowBell wrote
domhatch wrote
MoreCowBell wrote Very good point. I was referring to a "beep, beep, beep, click" (I'm actually a cellist and a metronome is easier to carry around than drum loops. Though that could be totally awesome: Apocalyptica-style scales! 8) Lol!) but anything that's more reliable than one's own vague, internal sense of rhythm will do the trick.
i'm sorry. that's just plain hysterical. a cellist stating one thing is easier to carry around than another. it's kinda like a drummer claiming this batch of 14 things is easier to carry around than that batch of 14 things.
lol! well, a cello is definitely easier to carry around than a double bass, or a grand piano (or my 29kg bass amp, for that matteR). And, once you're schlepping a cello around, the rest of your accessories need to be as small as possible - hence, a metronome is easier than a laptop!

fair point! ?

RJN

Man i really want a metronome,...... something that can stand around the living room area. It can serve as eye candy when its not being used.

AlanRatcliffe

RJN wrote Man i really want a metronome,...... something that can stand around the living room area. It can serve as eye candy when its not being used.

Most of the really nice old wooden 'nomes are way past it. Not many good watchmakers around who are able and willing to fix/service them. We've got a nice rosewood Wittner that is more ornament than useful - it's developed a very distinct swing timing through the years.

singemonkey

I've got the Steinberger free metronome app. Does a good job most of the time. Almost any free metronome app will be as useful as a standalone and will have features most standalones don't have - tap tempo being an obviously useful one.

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