How to suck at guitar, my 12 step program...

UncleGoatLips · 2011-02-04T13:54:24+00:00

I just had the urge to write this, hope you enjoy... 1. Crank the distortion, if you ever see a gain knob turn it up all the way!! 2. Multi-effects processors are sweet dude!! Don't waste your money buying expensive stomp units, get yourself a multi-effects unit like the Boss GT-10, they really sound like the real thing, fuck yea, the effects are really awesome as well man!! 3. Effects rule! Reverb? Up to 10 please, phaser? yep, its the coolest sound in the world!! Wah? Every single note you play needs to be wah'd. Bass needs to be turned up all the way!! 4. You only ever need to know the minor pentatonic scale, it's the only scale in existence, don't ever try to add notes or move it to get the modal thing, just play the scale up and down as fast as you can and all the 16 year old kids would think you are a guitar god. 5. PLAY FAST! Speed is everything!! Youre playing a ballad? No prob, shred it!! You don't have to worry about timing or getting the songs tight or nothing, just think "what would Herman Lee do?" Sweep picking and tapping is awesome as well man!! 6. Practice is for geeky loser types. 7. Music theory cramps your personal style. Knowing music theory won't help you at all, in fact you have your own personal style and knowing theory will just make you sound like everyone else. It doesn't give you any new options or anything, in fact, it gives you limitations. 8. Amplifiers have nothing to do with your tone, you could literally just plug your guitar into your pc and guitar rig will sort it out for you. If you need to play live, get yourself one of those line 6 jobbies with all the sweet effects built in, those things sound phat yo!! 9. Be superior, you are the best guitarist in the world, don't let anyone tell you otherwise! If anyone offers advice, take it as an insult, who are they to talk to you anyways? Didn't they just see you sweep the hell out of hotel california? 10. Brand is everything, if it doesn't say Gibson on it, it sounds shit and you are poor. 11. Remember, it is not about playing for the song, it's about being louder than everyone else in the band, to impress the chicks. While youre at it, get the band as loud as possible, then get your level above the rest. 12. Your guitar is tuned just fine, if not, tune it on stage, by ear and take a long time to do it, let everyone hear you tune but never really get it right. As they say, it's close enough. If you follow these steps I am confindent that you will become a sucky guitarist in no time!!

Tamago

Can't say I've seen everyone going the wrong way, but here in JHB seen lots of drivers who are so arrogant they think the road is theirs.
Look, I am not interested in a fight.. fighting on an internet forum is like trying to fight with a plastic cup, in the end it makes one look like a fool.

And yes, I think most (NOT ALL) people in SA are the d-word that was mentioned around here. One just has to look at their behavior in the shopping malls on any given weekend to realize what we are dealing with here.

I won't entertain any more of this post, case closed. You don't like me, I sure as HELL don't like any of you, so no point really.

Tonedef

Tamago wrote Can't say I've seen everyone going the wrong way, but here in JHB seen lots of drivers who are so arrogant they think the road is theirs.
.
.
And yes, I think most (NOT ALL) people in SA are the d-word that was mentioned around here. One just has to look at their behavior in the shopping malls on any given weekend to realize what we are dealing with here.

I go home and relax with axe. Problem solved.

strataxe

Squonk wrote
Tamago wrote Fortunately its my right to have a bad attitude... as I recall at the time this forum was going through the all-to-common large SA forums syndrome... struggle of self!
Ag you know what hey- I found what I am doing now beats the socks off of this stuff, so I've canned this indefinitely, offering my axes up for sale on some local classifieds websites.

Maybe if I ever leave SA I'll pick it up again abroad, where there's no arrogance and such...

Cheers!
Dont get this at all ? We are not too large and are family, we are family. Hell I think I will write a song about this ?

we are family
all my brothers,sisters and me...
we are family
all my brothers,sisters and me...

sounds familier... you may make a hit... ? ?

strataxe

Tonedef wrote
Tamago wrote Can't say I've seen everyone going the wrong way, but here in JHB seen lots of drivers who are so arrogant they think the road is theirs.
.
.
And yes, I think most (NOT ALL) people in SA are the d-word that was mentioned around here. One just has to look at their behavior in the shopping malls on any given weekend to realize what we are dealing with here.
I go home and relax with axe. Problem solved.

axe is your guitar... just making sure you're not smashing things up with the real thing...

Tonedef

Hey, if it worked for Patrick Bateman.... ?

guidothepimmp

tamago..

im by no means an expert but if your fiddle needs a setup il be happy to assist...
free of charge needless to say.. a properly setup guit will make everything easier..

cheers mate..

and hang in there.. take your time..

dont be so hard on yourself and all that.. the rock will come dude

guidothepimmp

jirr.. hadnt even read page 7 until now..

yknow i agree and disagree to an extent.

ive been a member here longer yhan my no posts would suggest.
imo there is a community feel about the place.. that said there also little cliques that can come across as arrogant at times.

not that i worry about that but shees guys.. i dont see a need to gang up on a guy because he is pissed off..
maybe im being obtuse but i dont recall his happening.

either way. i tend not to get involved in this and of course everyone is free to do as they like..

carry on then

PeteM

@guido... I tried to be friendly and helpful early on but my post was ignored by him in preference to attacking everybody else's comments. If you start a negative thread you should expect negative replies. You reap what you sow I'm afraid.

Wizard

Tamago wrote Fortunately its my right to have a bad attitude... as I recall at the time this forum was going through the all-to-common large SA forums syndrome... struggle of self!
Ag you know what hey- I found what I am doing now beats the socks off of this stuff, so I've canned this indefinitely, offering my axes up for sale on some local classifieds websites.

Maybe if I ever leave SA I'll pick it up again abroad, where there's no arrogance and such...

Cheers!

Maybe I'll get shot for saying this, but a love for music needs to find easy expression for those with fear or low-music confidence ... so they can believe they can make music.
It has to get the right fine balance with sufficient discipline to practice and make progress; with the reward of the sense of making progress.
My non-believing son started in the Steel Band at school ... and progressed there to piano after his steel band teacher convinced him he had talent.

That's one of the reasons I got into making my 6 note pentatonic marimba's ... because no matter what you do with them they sound good, all the chords sound great and you can reinvigorate a love of being able to make music.
For the record I gave most of them away as gifts, so this is not advertising ?
And no - I am not offering to make anyone one either. ?

But the moral is to find some instrument that will associate pleasure with making music ... and then move from there.
I'd exclude karaoke from this list ?

DonovanB

Warren that's what drums and bass are for... ?

DaFiz

I'm no qualified teacher, but have taught many guitarists over the years. I offer personal coaching and the price is of no concern.
I advise peeps not to spend huge sums of munny at music schools until they're certain they can do this (after perhaps only a few lessons).
I'll also assist in finding and buying a useable guitar, and setting up the instrument.
I'll come to your house for your own comfort and convenience. Assist with downloads and printouts of songs/chords/scales and online training modules etc.
It saddens me when schools take your munny and fail to provide the service you're paying for.
If it all repeatedly goes awry and you come out of this with egg on your face, I imagine you only have yourself to blame.
If you really wanna play the guitar this here forum offers a helluva lot of useful advice and friendly assistance.
Sure their are pro guitarists who are indeed better than the rest, but there are some of us who really luv the guitar and are willing to share our experience.
methinx... :-\

Tamago

Hi

It seems some people think I am now *insert four-letter-word here* because I was angry and came across that way.

Sorry but that does not faze me in the slightest. By the same token I can say the feeling is mutual about a number of folks here.

I was cheesed off with a number of people on this forum who tried to tell me how to suck eggs- regarding amplifiers and building them. Then I got into an altercation in a thread with Squonk about this country, my post was deleted so I decided, that's it, and I didn't come back here for more than 10 months... I have a serious issue with censorship- I thought we had more than enough of that in the bad old days and enough of that happens at MyBroadband.co.za to last a lifetime.

I then happened to get that newsletter a few weeks ago in my e-mail, which I then decided to respond upon with my thoughts. I do appreciate the help offered by a few folks here and I want to say "thank you very very much from the bottom of my heart" but right now time does not permit me to take up any of the offers, and I still feel decidedly demotivated with a bad taste in my mouth left by Matt's Music to pick up the instrument again- I also have the feeling that I am trying to do something I really just cannot do. I am not really cut out for it I think... however I do enjoy being proven wrong ?

So I am sorry if some of you get angry with me. I do apologize for that, and for the way I came across..... I have placed the instruments up for sale but I retracted them due to the various scammers that approached me instead of legitimate buyers. At the moment they are in storage and safely so, while renovations take place at my residence... I am planning to make space for them as soon as the work on the house is completed.

DonovanB

Well good luck with the renovations.

[edit] that came out all wrong...

Squonk

Tamago wrote
I was cheesed off with a number of people on this forum who tried to tell me how to suck eggs- regarding amplifiers and building them. Then I got into an altercation in a thread with Squonk about this country, my post was deleted so I decided, that's it, and I didn't come back here for more than 10 months... I have a serious issue with censorship- I thought we had more than enough of that in the bad old days and enough of that happens at MyBroadband.co.za to last a lifetime.

OMG it was me ? I cant even remember the thread, and I dont normally have altercations

Warren

Squonk wrote
OMG it was me ? I cant even remember the thread, and I dont normally have altercations

You're such a confrontational oke Squonk!

AlanRatcliffe

Tamago wrote So I am sorry if some of you get angry with me. I do apologize for that, and for the way I came across.....

Thanks for that. Apology accepted.

Just to be clear, there is little censorship here (if any, depending on your definition). We simply do not allow discussion of political or religious topics. This is to keep the peace around here rather than to protect our own politics or beliefs. The thread you discussed crossed the lines into political discussion.

Also thanks to everyone who understood Tamago's frustration and offered help. That's what this place should be about. As to other behaviour, I'll address that in another thread...

Bob-Dubery

Alan Ratcliffe wrote Just to be clear, there is little censorship here (if any, depending on your definition). We simply do not allow discussion of political or religious topics. This is to keep the peace around here rather than to protect our own politics or beliefs. The thread you discussed crossed the lines into political discussion.

Yet at least four posts got deleted from this thread today.

[deleted]

AlanRatcliffe

X-rated Bob wrote Yet at least four posts got deleted from this thread today.

...which could easily have been construed as poking fun at the OP.

Tonedef

Alan Ratcliffe wrote
X-rated Bob wrote Yet at least four posts got deleted from this thread today.
...which could easily have been construed as poking fun at the OP.

No need to construe anything, really, that's exactly what they were. ?

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