cain
On their way to getting married, a young couple is involved in a fatal car accident. They find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates, waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter shows up, they ask him. St. Peter says, 'I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked that. Let me go and find out,' and he leaves.
The couple sit and wait, and wait. Two months pass and the couple is still waiting. As they wait, they discuss that if they were allowed to get married in Heaven, what was the eternal aspect of it all. 'What if it doesn't work?' they wondered. 'Are we stuck together forever?'
After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled. 'Yes,' he informs the couple, 'you can get married in Heaven.'
'Great!' says the couple, 'But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Can we also get a divorce in Heaven?'
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the ground.
'What's wrong?' ask the frightened couple.
'OH, COME ON!' St. Peter shouts, 'It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?'
Renesongs
After a long successful life as an engineer Howard Smit dies and goes up to the Pearly Gates. St Peter asks his name and checks his register and after a long while of paging back and forth through the register St Peter says I'm sorry but I don't have a Howard Smit in here I think you may be destined for the "other place". Howard being a pragmatic person doesn't whine or argue but rather accepts his fate and decides to make the most of it.
After a few months God notices that he has had a lot of applications for transfers to the "other place" and decides to investigate. Instead of fire and brimstone and wallowing in excrement God finds the inhabitants of hell are been treated to air-conditioning , good sanitation, fresh food and even chilled beer.
God calls Satan and says "Satan what the is going on down here, hell is supposed to be a place of pain and suffering, this is more like a holiday resort."
Satan responds "Yes this was a miserable dump until you sent us Howard Smit a good engineer who has fixed it all up for us"
God says " Good engineers are rare and always go to heaven, I demand you give him back to me."
Satan says " No I won't give him back what do you say to that".
God says "I'll sue you"
Satan gives God the lazy eye and says "And you are going to find a lawyer where? "
