Seventhson
Hate!
The thing that burns my soul
The thing that pushes me to my limits
The thing that makes me who I am.
Chorus.
Hate burns my soul
Hate blinds me
Hate kills the good in me
Hate gives me strength to conquer this dark land.
It calls me at the dead of night
It haunts me as I wonder the blackened earth
It controls me to wonder the land alone
Why do you call me why do you taunt me
Why am I the lone wonderer.
/angry solo
Chorus.
Hate burns my soul
Hate blinds me
Hate kills the good in me
Hate gives me strength to conquer this dark land.
Well I just sribbled this down today. I am not keen on it but thought I would see what you people think. (It has a heavy rifts in it and a slayer like solo)
I am trying to get that 80s thrash feel ? It took me 5 minutes :-\ :-\
aja
Cool!
Might I suggest:
The thing that burns my soul
The thing that tests my limits
The thing that makes me, me.
Chorus.
Hate burns my soul
Hate blinds my all
Hate kills the good in me
Hate gives me the strength (go to next line)
to conquer this dark land.
It calls me at the dead of night
It haunts me as I walk earth blight
It controls me, lost land, alone
Indeed, why call me, why taunt me?
Why am I the lone wonderer?
You get the idea, trying to get it to flow more and be slightly more rounded or whatever based on counting syllables...
But I guess it all depends on the music that goes with it! ?
Wizard
A lot of hate. I'm just saying ...
Seventhson
Well it is meant for heavy metal so hate lol.
But Thanks for your input I did it in 5 minutes?
Bob-Dubery
Does metal have to be about hatred, depression, suicide etc?
It's blank verse. IMO that's acceptable but then it has to have a strong, constant structure as it gets no help from rhymes.
And are you the lone WONDERER or the lone WANDERER? The form is alone and wonders about stuff, the latter is alone and roams.
Personally I think that songs have more impact and ring truer if they stem from real life experience, but it may be that the lyrics are of secondary importance in some genres. What happens if you write a metal song about the butterfly you saw hovering over the crystal stream?
racman
X-rated Bob wrote:
Personally I think that songs have more impact and ring truer if they stem from real life experience, but it may be that the lyrics are of secondary importance in some genres. What happens if you write a metal song about the butterfly you saw hovering over the crystal stream?
The song would eventually end up with the metalhead catching the butterfly, breaking its leg, plucking it's wings off one by one then sawing its head slowly with a blade of grass before leaving the mangled body to float slowly down the peaceful, crystal stream ...... ? ?
inflames
Does metal have to be about hatred, depression, suicide etc?
Nope, there are just so many types of metal. What you mention above would be your death/gloom metal etc.
You get some very nice melodic types of metal like battle metal etc ?
lindsmuse
I wandered lonely as a hate-filled butterfly ...
I think it would be nice if you took some Romantic poet and just replaced all the 'loves' with hates. And added a few efs in as well! Romantic hate metal
I think your lyrics are fine - and as you say they took 2 ticks to write and they are for that genre. Besides which no-one will hear them ? (sorry - just an opinion) I'd just keep writing more and more
MIKA-the-better-one
seeing as this is turning into a lyrical discussion, I think its pretty hard to sing about say "hate" if you have pretty much lived a decent life..... very few musicians can really justify singing about hate or other subjects..............
An you cant really say
Hip Hop = big booty songs
Punk= anarchy songs
Metal= Hate songs
It seems it takes VERy little thought to just say "I play metal, I sing about hate" I sing Rap (or rap rap) and I sing about bog booty........
I often cringe due to bad lyric in bands.........
btw dont do butterflies either cuz it seems every metalish band these days tries to soften there sound by adding butterflies/ dragonflies/ orchids/ and stuff into there songs................. Every since Nightwish, and evanecence................
DonovanB
yep bad lyrics are a pain.
That song with Akon,
"I'm trying to find the words to describe the girl (who he compared to a neigbourhood whore earlier) without being disrespectful. Damn, she's a sexy bitch."
that is fail beyond any lyrical fail I've ever seen. Doesn't say much about his treatment of women.
I do think Mika is right. You can only sing about what you know IMO. I guess that's why Adam Lambert sings about being a poof.
evolucian
Tsk tsk... where's the necrophilia, where the torn limbs... the shredded souls... i know u dig slayer, so where's the good stuff?
Hehe, all good man... nothing like a bit of darkness on a sunday. But I tend to disagree with mika... add a butterfly... it could be one with teeth and black wings... u know, just to show u are a sensitive individual... capable of at least hugging one "female" groupie... u can't miss her... she's the only fembot there...
So just a quick q... is this slayer based? IE: no parts get sung? Tom Araya aint got the prettiest vocal chords... or face... so just asking. Cos if you want your chorus sung... you are in serious need of a hook. But its slayer type anyway... so good on ya man ?
Seventhson
Lol well I did feel allot of hate a few years ago ?
IT would have a tom Araya vocals on it and heavy scary distorted guitars going at a speed ?
MIKA-the-better-one
I would sooner belive a song about a butterfly with teeth and is as big as a bear........... then you would be a bit mastadon like......... Mastadon are one of the few metal bands who I think are any good, and are well known *I dont know much metal.....................
But really you want your song to stick out, you gotta really work at a hook lyrically, and this can take no time or all the time (hence axl rose) No one remembers the bands that rip off whats coool, they remember the guys that make it cool
singemonkey
I think it's got great potential. And you've got guts throwing it out for everyone to crit.
As for the hook, I think the delivery can provide it. If you have 1 or two other band members join in on the "hate"s, you'll get something that could be very strong if you've got a really strong rhythm guitar behind it. Like:
[3 voices] Hate!
[singer] burns my soul
[3 voices]Hate!
[singer]blinds me
[3 voices]Hate!
[singer]kills the good in me (needs work to fit the rhythm, I think)
[3 voices]Hate!
[singer]gives me strength to conquer this dark land (this is one line I think you should really re-work)
Follow the chorus with a big riff a la Ride the Lightning, and it could get everyone going nuts. Get them all shouting, "Hate!" along with the band, you know?
As for hate, lots of us have lots of it. I feel it intensely, for example, when I hear about opportunists putting their gain ahead of the well-being of everybody. I get a "line 'em up and shoot 'em" feeling. So it's not the preserve of serial killers. Lots of normal people, raised in the suburbs, feel it too.
Bob-Dubery
To me all the best songwriters have roots. And I think that if you want to write dark songs then the best roots you can have - and I am not trying to be funny - are in folk music. The further back the better, and especially British folk music (which has the additional benefits of being fairly well cataloged and collected - Child, Sharpe - and being in English so you can understand it). Songs like the various "Cruel Mother" ballads are about as cruel and dark as it gets. Little Musgrave / Matty Groves has a fairly gory ending and no redemption for anybody. Tam Lin.... that should be sufficiently spooky. There's loads of betrayal, murder, pillage, decapitation and consigning to the firey hereafter in the British folk canon, and in many cases the stories are laid out very well. You couldn't ask for a better schooling in myth, murder and mayhem.
Seventhson
True there bob. I do like folk music. But this was a five minute scribble and it was my first attempt.
Thanks for your replies guys. I was scared I was going to get shot down.
singemonkey
It's true what Bob says. Knowing a variety of old material can bring depth to your writing. And the thing about folk (not Kumbaya now) is that before radio, there was a lot more diversity of songs and styles - because it wasn't the case then (as it is now) that everything is influenced by everything else.
Nick Cave is a good example of someone heavily influenced by early rural blues and British Isles folk music who writes phenomenal lyrics appreciated by fans who've generally never heard those people who influenced him.
A section of his song, Crow Jane (from the Bad Seeds album: The Murder Ballads) that both takes it's name from a rural blues and is a murder ballad in the Irish style:
Seems you've remembered
How to sleep, how to sleep
The house dogs are in your turnips
And your yard dogs are running all over the street
Crow Jane Crow Jane
Crow Jane Ah hah huh
"O Mr. Smith and Mr. Wesson
Why you close up shop so late?"
"Just fitted out a girl who looked like a bird
Measured .32, .44, .38
I asked that girl which road she was taking
Said she was walking the road of hate
But she stopped on a coal-trolley up to New Haven
Population: 48"
Crow Jane Crow Jane
Crow Jane Ah hah huh
singemonkey
X-rated Bob wrote:
To me all the best songwriters have roots. And I think that if you want to write dark songs then the best roots you can have - and I am not trying to be funny - are in folk music. The further back the better, and especially British folk music (which has the additional benefits of being fairly well cataloged and collected - Child, Sharpe - and being in English so you can understand it). Songs like the various "Cruel Mother" ballads are about as cruel and dark as it gets. Little Musgrave / Matty Groves has a fairly gory ending and no redemption for anybody. Tam Lin.... that should be sufficiently spooky. There's loads of betrayal, murder, pillage, decapitation and consigning to the firey hereafter in the British folk canon, and in many cases the stories are laid out very well. You couldn't ask for a better schooling in myth, murder and mayhem.
Bob, do you know that song,
The (Bonny) Boys of Bedlam? I know it from a Steeleye Span record. It's got this great line about the cook with his knife to, "... cut mince pies from childrens' thighs/with which to feed the fairies."
nicovlogg
singemonkey wrote:
Nick Cave is a good example of someone heavily influenced by early rural blues and British Isles folk music who writes phenomenal lyrics appreciated by fans who've generally never heard those people who influenced him.
Nick Cave is brilliant - he has this way of just putting a single shocker of a line in the middle of a seemingly romantic ballad, gets me every time.
Seventhson
I think if I took my time I could write some great tunes. I am good at writing guitar riffs 8)
