Keira-WitherKay
Welcome to the JAZZ MUSICIANS' HELPLINE.
Your call is important to us, so please use the following menu system to shorten your wait:
If you are a bandleader wishing to know your opinion of yourself, press 1
If you are a tuba/sousaphone player in a 'classic jazz band' inquiring about which beats you will be expected to play on, press 1 and 3
If you are a drummer wanting to know on which beats to press your hi-hat pedal, press 2 and 4... regularly spaced if you can manage it
If you are a banjo player inquiring about how many strings to buy for a complete re-stringing of your instrument, press 4
If you are old enough to remember Dave Brubeck, press 5 then 4
If you need to know the average number of ounces of beer absorbed by brass players each hour, press 6 and 4
If you've forgotten the number of positions trombonists use, press 7 (many with the instrument)
If you are an agent wanting to know how much commission to charge, press 15. Or 20. Or 25. Or whatever number you fancy
If you want to know the REAL length in minutes of a jazz musician's '15-minute break' enter any number in excess of 45
If you are at a cultural crossroads between jazz and rhythm & blues and can't decide which Route to take, press 66
If you are over 60 and always forget to play the coda, press R-E-C-A-L-L
If you are a bebop tenor player press as many keys as fast as you can for 20 minutes or until the room is empty, whichever comes first
and If you wish to check your retirement account, press 0
? ? ? couldn't resist this....and yeah jazz always has a bad rep......... and to think my booking agent sent this to me heheheheh
