101 Rules Of Prog-Metal

Malkav · 2010-06-12T19:56:13+00:00

http://www.metalstorm.net/pub/fun_comments.php?fun_id=3 I thought a fair portion of these were funny, and I know I've been guilty of one or two of these thi...

101 Rules Of Prog-Metal

Bob-Dubery

Haha! Spot on. That ain't a joke, that's real life.

doc-phil

haha funny list! I think this kinda thing applies to pretty much all sub-genres of metal. All you have to do to see evidence of this is to read the trolling comments on youtube of any metal band's video ? Metal is pretty elitist, and every metal head proclaims his/her specific sub-genre as supreme.

arjunmenon

Ha ha ? Very funny read. I'm definitely guilty on a few counts.

evolucian

Arjun, you are a liar... you are guilty on all counts. I at least listen to real music.

singemonkey

You guys are all idiots who wouldn't know real prog metal if it kicked you in the face. You probably think Dream Theatre are "real" prog-metal. Try listening to Atavistic Persuance once you guys grow up.

?

evolucian

that name definitely sounds prog... they followed the rules in naming themselves... do they sing deep stuff though?

Malkav

singemonkey wrote: Jesus. You guys are all idiots who wouldn't know real prog metal if it kicked you in the face. You probably think Dream Theatre are "real" prog-metal. Try listening to Atavistic Persuance one you guys grow up.

1. Insist that your definition of prog metal is sacred and that the only progressive bands are the one you deem to be so.

2. Accuse anyone who disagrees with you regarding rule 1 of lacking musical intelligence and not being a true prog fan.

singemonkey

evolucian wrote: that name definitely sounds prog... they followed the rules in naming themselves... do they sing deep stuff though?

"Excruciating ecstasies of phosphatase form,
Lost in nebulae of pain,
The ancient crusts of pretension shattered,
Washed up upon an operetta of scorn"

Deep enough for ya? Lightweight? ?

Wizard

A mixed metaphor to have "ancient crusts washed up?"
(or was it the ecstasies that were doing the washing?)
?

Bob-Dubery

singemonkey wrote:
evolucian wrote: that name definitely sounds prog... they followed the rules in naming themselves... do they sing deep stuff though?
"Excruciating ecstasies of phosphatase form,
Lost in nebulae of pain,
The ancient crusts of pretension shattered,
Washed up upon an operetta of scorn"

Deep enough for ya? Lightweight? ?

Horrendous. Pretentious. Sounds like they write songs by raiding a thesaurus and a bunch of medical journals.

But how is it that I react like that to those lyrics but think these are particularly fine...

You used to ride on the chrome horse with your diplomat
Who carried on his shoulder a Siamese cat
Ain't it hard when you discover that
He really wasn't where it's at
After he took from you everything he could steal.

Squonk

I will stick to to Prog rock

Genesis from the "The Lamb Lies down on Broadway" circa 1974
Quite possibly Peter Gabriel who penned the Lyrics

There is lambswool under my naked feet.
The wool is soft and warm,
-gives off some kind of heat.
A salamander scurries into flame to be destroyed.
Imaginary creatures are trapped in birth on celluloid.
The fleas cling to the golden fleece,
Hoping they'll find peace.
Each thought and gesture are caught in celluloid.
There's no hiding in my memory.
There's no room to void.

The crawlers cover the floor in the red ochre corridor.
For my second sight of people, they've more lifeblood than before.
They're moving. They're moving in time to a heavy wooden door,
Where the needle's eye is winking, closing in on the poor.
The carpet crawlers heed their callers:
"We've got to get in to get out
We've got to get in to get out."

Bob-Dubery

Squonk wrote: I will stick to to Prog rock

Genesis from the "The Lamb Lies down on Broadway" circa 1974
Quite possibly Peter Gabriel who penned the Lyrics

"Lamb" was very much Gabriel's brainchild and labour of love. The tone and complexity of Genesis's lyrics changed markedly after he quit the band.

arjunmenon

evolucian wrote: Arjun, you are a liar... you are guilty on all counts. I at least listen to real music.

? Heathen...where's you sense of "real" appreciation for "real" music?

evolucian

Ozric Tentacles... theres my appreciation... lol

singemonkey

X-rated Bob wrote:
singemonkey wrote: "Excruciating ecstasies of phosphatase form,
Lost in nebulae of pain,
The ancient crusts of pretension shattered,
Washed up upon an operetta of scorn"
Horrendous. Pretentious. Sounds like they write songs by raiding a thesaurus and a bunch of medical journals.

Bob, if you don't understand, I can't explain it to you. You need to mature musically and intellectually to understand the multisyllabic genius of Atavistic Pursuance.

"Cancerous lifetimes in supererogation,
an arch-anthropic telemarketer accessing your psychometric stroller,
Take vengeance on the prophylactic society
Take purple sacrifice to the heart of the turgid world-tantrum."

Bob-Dubery

singemonkey wrote:
X-rated Bob wrote:
singemonkey wrote: "Excruciating ecstasies of phosphatase form,
Lost in nebulae of pain,
The ancient crusts of pretension shattered,
Washed up upon an operetta of scorn"
Horrendous. Pretentious. Sounds like they write songs by raiding a thesaurus and a bunch of medical journals.

Bob, if you don't understand, I can't explain it to you. You need to mature musically and intellectually to understand the multisyllabic genius of Atavistic Pursuance.

Uh.... OK.

But I draw the line at having to play an Ibanez.

singemonkey

X-rated Bob wrote:
Uh.... OK.

But I draw the line at having to play an Ibanez.

I put some code words in there. Thought you'd spot 'em :?