Banditman
I received this from a friend. Ignore it if you've already read it.
Three notes walk into a bar...
A “C”, an E-flat, and a G go into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve minors." So the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and the G is out flat.
An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.
A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second."
Then an A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor.
The bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims, "Get out now. You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."
The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says, "You're looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development."
This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and stands there au natural.
Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he's under a rest.
The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility. On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.
The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenors as patrons, and the soprano is out in the bathroom, everything has become altoo much treble; he needs a rest, and closes the bar.
aja
haha that was a painful read!
inflames
Ha Ha, very nice!!!
Jack-Flash-Jr
A man walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his fly. The bartender says to him, 'Hey man, do you know you've got a steering wheel coming out your pants?'
The man replies, 'I know, it's driving me nuts!'
Squonk
A Man walks into a bar with a piece of tarmac under his arm.
I'll have a beer and one for the road as well
DonovanB
aaaah seeing as we're on this.
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mineshaft?
A flat miner....
aja
A man walks into a bar with a banana in his ear.
The bartender says: "Excuse me sir, you have a banana in your ear!"
To which the man replies: "Sorry, I can't hear you, I have a banana in my hear..."
Banditman
The definition of Perfect Pitch: Throwing a banjo in the toilet and not hitting the rim.
What's the difference between an onion and an accordion?
No one cries when you chop up an accordion!
The definition of a gentleman: He can play the Banjo, but chooses not to.
How many female singers does it take to sing "Crazy?"
All of them!
What's the last thing a drummer says in a band?
Hey guys, let's do one of my songs.
How can you tell when your guitarist is trying to get into the studio?
He's late and he's got the wrong Key.
A guy walks into a shop & tells the assistant, “I want to buy an electric guitar”. The assistant looks at him & says “You’re a drummer, aren’t you”. Amazed, the customer says “Yes, how do you know?” The assistant says,”
This is a pharmacy”.
The true definition of an optimist is an accordionist who carries a pager.
Banditman
What do you call someone who hangs out with musicians?
A drummer.
Why do guitarists leave their cases on the dashboard?
So they can park in the handicapped spot.
What did the drummer get on his IQ test?
Drool.
What's the difference between an accordion and a lawn mower?
If you put both of them on Gumtree, you could sell the lawn mower.
How can you tell if the stage is level?
Drool comes out of both sides of the drummer's mouth.
What do you throw to a drowning guitarist?
His amp.
What's the best way to play a banjo?
With a hack saw.
Why don't bass players ever catch a cold?
Even a virus has some pride.
Fingerpicker
This one's exceptionally weak but it's the only musical joke I know.
Vans playing his violin and Koos says" hey Van, what's that you're playing?"
Van says "Paganini"
Koos looks over Van's shoulder and says "No, man. That's Page Nine."
