Ten Commandments For Guitarists

Renesongs

Captain Beefheart's Ten Commandments For Guitarists:

1. LISTEN TO THE BIRDS...That's where all the music comes from. Birds know everything about how it should sound and where that sound should come from. And watch hummingbirds. They fly really fast, but a lot of times they aren't going anywhere.

2. YOUR GUITAR IS NOT REALLY A GUITAR...Your guitar is a divining rod. Use it to find spirits in the other world and bring them over. A guitar is also a fishing rod. If you're good, you'll land a big one.

3. PRACTICE IN FRONT OF A BUSH...Wait until the moon is out, then go outside, eat a multi-grained bread and play your guitar to a bush. If the bush doesn't shake, eat another piece of bread.

4. WALK WITH THE DEVIL...Old delta blues players referred to amplifiers as the "devil box." And they were right. You have to be an equal opportunity employer in terms of who you're bringing over from the other side. Electricity attracts demons and devils. Other instruments attract other spirits. An acoustic guitar attracts Casper. A mandolin attracts Wendy. But an electric guitar attracts Beelzebub.

5. IF YOU'RE GUILTY OF THINKING, YOU'RE OUT...If your brain is part of the process, you're missing it. You should play like a drowning man, struggling to reach shore. If you can trap that feeling, then you have something that is fur bearing.

6. NEVER POINT YOUR GUITAR AT ANYONE...Your instrument has more power than lightning. Just hit a big chord, then run outside to hear it. But make sure you are not standing in an open field.

7. ALWAYS CARRY YOUR CHURCH KEY...You must carry your key and use it when called upon. That's your part of the bargain. Like One String Sam. He was a Detroit street musician in the fifties who played a homemade instrument. His song "I Need A Hundred Dollars" is warm pie. Another church key holder is Hubert Sumlin, Howlin' Wolf's guitar player. He just stands there like the Statue of Liberty making you want to look up her dress to see how he's doing it.

8. DON'T WIPE THE SWEAT OFF YOUR INSTRUMENT...You need that stink on there. Then you have to get that stink onto your music.

9. KEEP YOUR GUITAR IN A DARK PLACE...When you're not playing your guitar, cover it and keep it in a dark place. If you don't play your guitar for more than a day, be sure to put a saucer of water in with it.

10. YOU GOTTA HAVE A HOOD FOR YOUR ENGINE...Wear a hat when you play and keep that hat on. A hat is a pressure cooker. If you have a roof on your house the hot air can't escape. Even a lima bean has to have a wet paper towel around it to make it grow.

Lethe

Who art this 'Captain beefheart'?

inflames

Really cool Rene! I apparently need to eat more bread ?

Who art this 'Captain beefheart'?

The man that invented 2 minute noodles?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Captain_Beefheart

Bob-Dubery

Lethe wrote: Who art this 'Captain beefheart'?

Somebody you certainly shouldn't take at a face value.

AlanRatcliffe

Lethe wrote: Who art this 'Captain beefheart'?

A very interesting character. One of Zappa's childhood friends/musical collaborators. Made music that is probably best described as psychedelic/avant-garde blues. His lyrics are often have a freeform flowing style and very intense poyrhythms. A really powerful singer with a wide range, he once destroyed a $1200 microphone with his voice. Retired from music and now paints. Like Zappa, he was radically anti-drug and didn't allow his bands to use.

He was never really commercially successful but was a huge influence on many others who were: Tom Waits (Waits fans divide his music into pre- and post-Beefheart), Nirvana, That Petrol Emotion. XTC, Sonic Youth, Red Hot Chili Peppers, The Pixies, The White Stripes, Franz Ferdinand and even Joan Osborne.

Quotes:

"I'd always thought music was too formal, and I thought 'well, I'll get into this and fix it'."

"There's no competition with our music. It can't be compared or impaired, or impaled with points or justifications...It means absolutely nothing, just like the sun."

"I don't think there's any way you can *know* music. The minute you *know* it, you stop playing, and the minute a person stops playing, the music isn't playing anymore."

LooneyAtTheGate

Haha this is SO true, every single point!
I'm going to print this out and stick it on my 'devil box'
:bopping:

Keira-WitherKay

we had a post not so long ago about guitar "lore" so yeah if doing this makes you play better or even make you just feel you play better i'm all fo it ........ we all have our wierd and wonderful rituals and beliefs on what inspires us to perform or compose.........

so yeah it's all good.......... and does not seem to hurt anyone ..except if you pointing your guitar at them that is heheheh

[deleted]

8. DON'T WIPE THE SWEAT OFF YOUR INSTRUMENT...You need that stink on there. Then you have to get that stink onto your music.

Ha, that's like me not wanting to scrape the figerjam off my fretboard. I've grown too attatched to it. It's taken years to accumulate it all. So many memories.