Keira-WitherKay HOW TO SING THE BLUES Memphis Earlene Gray with help from Uncle Plunky Many thanks to Alex Mogieleff and Stephan Grossman's Woodshed Forum for this classic Most blues begin "woke up this morning." "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line: I got a good woman-- "with the meanest dog in town". Blues are simple. After you have the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes. Sort of: Got a good woman with the meanest dog in town. He got teeth like Margaret Thatcher and he weighs about 500 pounds. The blues are not about limitless choice. Blues cars are Chevies and Cadillacs. Other acceptable blues transportation is Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die. Teenagers can't sing the blues. Adults sing the blues. Blues adulthood means old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis. You can have the blues in New York City, but not in Brooklyn or Queens. Hard times in Vermont or North Dakota are just a depression. Chicago, St. Louis and Kansas City are still the best places to have the blues. The following colors do not belong in the blues: violet beige mauvre You can't have the blues in an office or a shopping mall, the lighting is wrong. Good places for the Blues: the highway the jailhouse the empty bed Bad places: Ashrams Gallery openings weekend in the Hamptons No one will believe it's the blues if you wear a suit, unless you happen to be an old black man. Do you have the right to sing the blues? Yes, if: your first name is a southern state--like Georgia you're blind you shot a man in Memphis. you can't be satisfied. No, if: you were once blind but now can see. you're deaf you have a trust fund. Neither Julio Iglesias nor Barbra Streisand can sing the blues. If you ask for water and baby gives you gasoline, it's the blues. Other blues beverages are: wine Irish whiskey muddy water Blues beverages are NOT: Any mixed drink Any wine kosher for Passover Yoo Hoo (all flavors) If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is a blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse, or being denied treatment in an emergency room. It is not a blues death, if you die during a liposuction treatment. Some Blues names for Women Sadie Big Mama Bessie Some Blues Names for Men Joe Willie Little Willie Lightning Persons with names like Sierra or Sequoia will not be permitted to sing the blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis. Other Blues Names (Starter Kit) Name of Physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Asthmatic) First name (see above) or name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi) Last Name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.) then just Mix and Match
Renesongs Nice one Keira - You also got to throw away all them g's woman like this Woke up this mornin' With a spy inside my bed I say move over honey Then she's messin' with my head (With her Soviet Voodoo) I got them -Jimi Bond 007 Blues And there aint nothin' I can do but lose My middle name is trouble Drinin' Martinis by the double Cause I got them Jimi Bond 007 Blues.
Bob-Dubery Woke up this morning Job to go to, bills to pay Weight of the world on my shoulders Retirement not far away I gotta provide We gotta have food, DSTV and booze I gotta provide 'Cos if I don't everybody's gonna lose Yeah I gotta provide I got those old working at job I hate just to pay those goddamned bills blues
JoEllis Keira, you just make my day! No, you just made my week! It's a brilliant! I read this years ago and have been looking for it ever since, but with no luck.
aubs1 Nice one Keira........ that's real awesome, ........no, the word "awesome" is not allowed......hahahaha
Bob-Dubery bLuEs wrote Nice one guys... Not sure if the word "DSTV" is allowed in a blues song though ? It doesn't scan that well. Originally I had in "smokes", but nobody in my household smokes.
