CDee
Got these sent to me by a friend - Do you think he's trying to tell me something? :-\
Q: What are the two most frequent guitarist lies?
1. I am not too loud
2. I already turned it down
Q: What's the difference between a fiddle and a violin?
A: Who cares - neither one's a guitar.
Q: How do you get a guitar player to turn down?
A: Put sheet music in front of him.
Q: How many lead guitarists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 6 - 1 to put the bulb in, and 5 to say, "I could have done that".
"Mommy! Mommy! I want to be a guitarist when I grow up!"
"Now Johnny, you know you can't do both."
Q: How many guitar players do you need to replace a flourescent light?
A: Five. One to actually do it, and four to reminisce about how much better the old tubes were.
Q: What's the difference between a guitar player and a bag of garbage?
A: The garbage gets taken out at least once a week.
Q: What's the difference between a lead guitarist and a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.
?
I wonder if this is more funny because it's the truth? ?
Lethe
LOL! nice dude! harharharharharhar!
Q: What do you call a guitarist without a girlfriend?
A: Homeless..
JoEllis
Awesome! ? Just heard this one in the studio last week when we were doing guitars:
Q: How do you get a guitarist away from your front door?
A: You pay him for the pizza.
Manfred-Klose
deanBailey
Lol I've actually come across guitarists like these ?
And personally knew one described in Lethe's post.
Sean
CDee wrote
Q: What are the two most frequent guitarist lies?
1. I am not too loud
2. I already turned it down
LOL , seriously, how many of us has said that ?
Dirk
This is brilliant. I just love your cartoon Manfred, so true! :roflmao:
[deleted]
:roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: brilliant
Heath
Q - Why are so many guitarists jokes one liners?
A - So the rest of the band can understand them.
Q - What's black and blue and laying in a ditch?
A - A guitarist who's told too many drummer jokes.
Q - What do you say to a guitar player in a 3-piece suit ?
A - "Will the defendant please rise ..."
Q - What did the guitarist say to his crying guitar?
A - Don't fret!
Q - How do you get two guitar players to play in perfect unison?
A - Shoot One.
Q - Why do guitar players leave their capos on their dashboards?
A - So they can park in the handicapped spaces!
Q - What do a guitar solo and premature ejaculation have in common?
A - You know it's coming and there's nothing you can do about it.
Q - How can you tell if there is a guitarist at the door?
A - He knocks out of time, and comes in too early.
Did you hear about the guitarist who was going to a gig and locked his keys in the car? It took him two hours to get the drummer out....
Keira-WitherKay
excellent ....bravo .... heheehheh
Dirk
Q: What does a guitar and a cat have in common?
A: Both can climb trees except the guitar...
Oky maybe that one isn't so funny but Ive got a weird sence of humor ???
pietersaayman
Q: What is the difference between a rock guitarist and a jazz guitarist?
A: A rock guitarist plays 3 cords for 5000 people... a jazz guitarist plays 5000 cords for 3 people
Keira-WitherKay
pietersaayman wrote
Q: What is the difference between a rock guitarist and a jazz guitarist?
A: A rock guitarist plays 3 cords for 5000 people... a jazz guitarist plays 5000 cords for 3 people
lol back when i was studying i had my upright bass lecturer call jazz the "music of unemployment"
peace and light
Keira
Keira-WitherKay
ok not a guitarist joke but one aimed at our bothers and sisters who hold down the bottom end....
an engineer who was working for an oil company, goes to a remote part of africa to oversee some engineering repairs ...and the well was situated near the local village and since his arrival there have been the sound of constant drums day and night...non stop.......... eventually after day 3 of this he seeks out the tribal chief and asks about the drums.... and the only reply he gets is that "if the drums stop a very bad thing will happen"
he allows another day to pass, but by now has really had enough of this constant drumming ..... so again he seeks out the tribal chief ...and again gets the same answer that a "very bad thing happens if the drums stop" the engineer then proceeds to explain to the chief how it's now the 21st century and technology is capable of protecting them against any harm ....
and then asks .."well whats can happen thats so bad when the drums stop????"
the chief never batted an eyelid and said with a chill in his voice......."thats when the bassist takes his solo!"
peace and light
Keira
Bob-Dubery
bLuEs aDDicT wrote
Q: What does a guitar and a cat have in common?
A: Both can climb trees except the guitar...
ROFL ?
DaFiz
Eish, I dunno whether to laugh or cry... :-\
The truth hurts ☹
Malkav
What's the difference between a pizza and a Jazz guitarist?
A pizza can feed a family of four.
What has three legs and a P**s
A Drumstool.
How many lead singers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, he simply stands there and the whole world revolves around him.
How do you know if the stage you are playing on is level?
The drool comes out both sides of your drummers mouth.
What do bass players use as a contraceptive?
Their Personalities.
Why is guitaring a hobby for latent paedophiles?
It's the only one in which you can break a G string while fingering a minor and not go to jail for it!
Spyke
Chad Adam Browne wrote
Why is guitaring a hobby for latent paedophiles?
It's the only one in which you can break a G string while fingering a minor and not go to jail for it!
Yoh! Me likes! ?
Valie
What is a drummer?
A guy who hangs around wth musicians.
Heard about the guy doing a gig with a KONSERTINA SPELER.
KONSERTINA SPELER tells him "OK Ons speel in F dan gaan ons oor na 2# toe.Ek vat Bb dan eindig ons in C. After about 4min when playing in Bb the guy asks the KONSERTINA SPELER."Oom, wanner gaan jy C toe?" Answer came : "April maand boetie, die 2de April."
