So how do you cope with noisy audience members?

Bob-Dubery · 2009-02-27T08:48:34+00:00

Excluding friends and family (and dogs) I don't play in front of an audience that often. I also don't play for a living (or even for any kind of income) - so I might be underexposed to certain aspects of live performance. Like a guy I "ran into" last night at TJs. I accept that some people are just going to carry on with their meal and their conversation whilst performances are going on. I don't approve but I accept. C'est la vie. But this charley... I got plugged in, checked that everything was making the right noises, introduced my first tune and whilst I was doing so put the capo in position. I heard this very loud voice saying "Oh look! Capo at fret 2. Drop - D". He wasn't talking to anybody in particular, he was just leaning on the bar (looked like standing was not much of an option). And so it went. I'd been told to pad my set out a bit, so I tried to give a little bit of information about each song I played. My "new friend" was Scottish (so "drop D" was more like "drrrrrop D") and when I introduced a song written by Robbie Burns I and the audience got a large dollop of extra information (his thick accent rendered even more difficult by a distinct slur). I tried to work a little joke about poetic forms into the intro for the next song which was "Spenser The Rover" ("is it Iambic Pentameter I hear you ask? How about Anapestic Trimeter? No... it's that great traditional English poetic form doggerel"). Now the connections start up in my new friend's mind: Poetic form implies Poet. Poet implies Robbie Burns. Robbie Burns implies Scotland and all things Scottish. Hoots Mon and away we go! Half way through my last song a cell phone rings. Guess who.... "Hello! HELLO! YOU'LL HAVE TO SPEAK UP, SOMEBODY'S PLAYING SOME @#$%ING MUSIC..... WHAT? WHO THE @#$% IS THIS???" This carried on through the set by the following act. Then he took another phone call and did know who the @#$% it was this time and went outside. I've never run into anything like this before. I thought I did a reasonable job of getting the topic away from Scotland and back on poetry fairly quickly, but he continued to have lots to say and it was hard work with your tunings and technique being described as you started each tune. And then that cell phone conversation... why couldn't he do the decent thing and just pass out? I didn't want to get into crossing words with the guy, life and the time allocated to me being too short (and he was a pretty large guy), but it did seem a bit much - and not just for me but everybody else present. Do any of you have similar experiences to share? Any tips on dealing with this?

WantzChas

This is one of the most epic threads ever. Alan I just love the "mumbling technique". I still think the best way to handle it is to walk off, take the guy's phone, dunk it in his drink and run for backup.

AlanRatcliffe

Here's the infamous Keith Richards clip. Most impressive, given the context, is how he finds the Satisfaction riff again ...

I suspect he has lots of experience in this department, given how quick he got the guitar off, whacked the guy, strapped up and carried on playing again.

WantzChas wrote Alan I just love the "mumbling technique".

I got that from Bob Dylan ? The guy still does something like 250 shows a year and he's probably picked up crowd control techniques we can only dream of.

I still think the best way to handle it is to walk off, take the guy's phone, dunk it in his drink and run for backup.

Too risky. If you play electric, walk up to him, ask to borrow it, go up on stage and use the phone to cause interference with the pickups (a la Mattias Eklundh). Then keep it on stage until the end of the set, give it back to him and thank him for the use of it. ?

Keira-WitherKay

mmmm sorry to hear about the incident Bob it's so unneccessary, and such bad taste but yeah alcohol fuels it.... although one line that does not require much of a sharp tongue is to just when the heckler says something .... stop dead ... and pause for about 10 to 15 seconds just staring him squarly in the eye.... you get everyones attention with the pause and the stare makes it clear who you looking at ..... and just say quietly and calmly into the microphone loud and clear that everyone hears...........

" I get paid xxxx a night to stand up here and make a c#nt out of myself......... whats your excuse????? "

it works everytime the audience laughs their heads off.... and the heckler suddenly has the entire room against him/her ....

many years ago i used to play in some of the rougher venues in london in a band and the bassist used this line whenever it got rough and it never went further....EVER

but bob so how was the rest of your show... hope you had a good one.....

peace and light
K

Bob-Dubery

Keira WitherKay wrote mmmm sorry to hear about the incident Bob it's so unneccessary, and such bad taste but yeah alcohol fuels it....

Well it was a distraction that nobody needed. I guess these things are part of what a performer has to put up with. I tend to close my eyes a lot when playing live. At least things didn't get as bad for me as they once got for Richard Thompson - who opened his eyes at the end of a verse to find somebody waving a knife in his face and suggesting that maybe he should play something that the audience was familiar with.

Unless you play stadiums where the stage is meters above anybody and there's barriers and you have a large sound system, I guess these things are part of performing life.

AlanRatcliffe

I guess these things are part of performing life.

Sadly true. It can be dangerous out there. The bigger you are and the more shows you play the more likely an incident will happen. Look at Dimebag Darrell, shot and killed on stage by a "fan", or Lennon, killed by a "fan". So is it any wonder that Keith Richards is inclined to use his Telewhacker on a guy he sees running towards him in the middle of a show?

[deleted]

Scary stuff. It's always a pity when the audience needs to hijack the show. Once I was playing classical guitar in a restuarant, and a large group of men arrived, and from their conversation (loud) I could gather that they hed recently started their own garage band. Not that I have anything against their celebratory mood, but I was a little peeved when once I had finished playing a beautifull classical piece, I was requested to play "Smoke on the water" .

I teach music at a nursery school. Far from the same sitaution, but there I have practiced the art of springing from music to scocial interaction in a split second. If a child does not want to take part (ie. they are biting the person next to them), I request that they go sit on a remote chair untill they feel they want to join in.
Generaly they choose to take part. They respond well to an explanation. Point being drunk people are like toddlers.

I think it's funny that the Scot was backseat driving. Maybe laughing manicaly would have confused him enough to make him keep quiet. I haven't tried that one though.

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