Bands at Weddings. Why, oh why?

Arno-West · 2013-05-06T18:44:19+00:00

Ok, I feel like ranting a bit. Please bear with me. Over the past 4 years I have played at numerous weddings and not one of them turned out to be very enjoyable, profitable or memorable. I think there are a few factors that add up to making the “band at a wedding” - thing difficult to pull off. This rant is purely from the musician’s point of view and it is based on my personal experiences. Firstly, you, or your band normally gets booked for a wedding by people who see you perform at some other venue a few months before their big day. Usually, these people are intoxicated and have a good old time. Then they decide it will be a good idea to book this band for their wedding. A few weeks later you get the phone call and start discussing price. Now, what these chops don’t understand is that a wedding is not a normal pub gig. At a wedding, you have to arrive at 11 in the morning and set-up and sound-check before all the proceedings start, so naturally the price is about double of what the price is for a night-time pub gig. This is purely because of the hours involved. After some negotiating, both parties settle on an amount. Both parties are not particularly happy about this amount because it is more than what they expected to pay or less than what they expected to earn. Anyway, the big day arrives and let’s say for argument’s sake the wedding venue is out in the country side between Vereeniging and Walkerville. The band arrives at 11am in the morning (which meant they left their homes at 10am) and set-up and sound-check. By the way, they never provide adequate staging. Band is finished setting up at 1230 or 1300. Now they have 2 hours to kill before the reception starts. They can’t drive home and relax, that would be impractical because of the distance involved. So they park off either somewhere under a tree or in their cars. The reception normally starts later than planned. Out of courtesy the band members attend a wedding union of two people they don’t know from a bar of soap. Afterwards it’s all false smiles and congratulations as the new bride and groom leave for the photo session, which takes forever. The guests enter the reception room by 1800 and start getting fidgety by 1830 when the newlyweds make their entrance. Then welcoming speeches. Then toasts. Then more speeches. Then starters. Then speeches again. Then the main course. Then, finally, the groom’s speech. Then they want to open the dance-floor, but not before reading out 20 e-mails from people who couldn’t attend this happy day. By now, it’s 2030. The band has been hanging around, smoking, drinking and mingling with total strangers to them, for 9 and a half hours. Now, at last, they get to do what they’re supposed to be doing. Hit the stage. OH MY GOD! That’s too loud. Oupas and Oumas and Aunties and Uncles start leaving the reception room. The band turns it down and start playing more “mellow” tunes. Nobody dances. All the smoker’s leave the room and mill around outside. The 1st set is done. Band members are physically exhausted and mentally drained, but there’s 2 more sets to go. Half the guests start leaving once the free booze limit is reached and it becomes a cash bar. Then they cut the damn cake and throw the garter belt. Whoopee. Of the 80 or so guests who came, only 35 or so are left by 2200. A few of them actually dance during the 2nd set. Small band break then last set at 2300. By 2345, there are about 5 people dancing and another 10 or so hanging about. Band finishes at 2400, but as always, some drunk knob insists on “One more, aaag come on ou’s, one more…”. Band politely ignores him and starts packing up and loading gear. By 1am, band members get into their cars and start driving home. Everybody home by 2am, maybe 230am. Long day’s work hey? I hate playing at weddings. That’s it. Had to get this off my back. I feel better now.

IceCreamMan

Ray wrote
IceCreamMan wrote I like live music, at our wedding my wife suggested that a band she was in play instead of a DJ.... knowing the band(they would of been invited as friends anyway) and their repertoire I thought great idea ,,,, it went down a treat .... to this day I still get told what a great party our wedding was.... and that ultimately is what it is about ,,,having a party and relaxing with friends ...

So your wife was in the band? And you were OK hoofing around by yerself on the dance floor then?

? naaaaa..... not for that night ....she danced with me .... silly gal

el-guapo

I thought it was just my imagination (or my increasing grouchiness) that cameras had gotten louder. Have been at so many weddings where the sheer volume of the photographer is gratingly offputting.

And yes, you're so right about the slouchy dressing. Amazing how few of them care, or have figured out that if you just wear black, you can get away with wearing just about anything and still look decent.

singemonkey wrote
Joe Moore wrote I often get annoyed with bands (and DJ's) at weddings because the band thinks the function is all about themselves.
Its not at all ! . Its about a special day / night where the focus and attention should mainly revolve around the bride, the groom , family and friends,... not the band.
The band should be like the flowers and decor.....decently elegant and pleasant , but not 'in your face' ... just sayin' ?
Obviously a pub / club /party gig differs vastly.
And that's nothing compared to the photographers. At some point it became ok to have wedding photographers (nowdays there must be at least two but probably three), dressed like they're lounging in front of sewende laan on the couch rather than at a wedding, banging away with flashes throughout the ceremony. This is doubly ironic since modern cameras can get great shots indoors without a flash.

In the past a wedding photog chose a camera that was almost silent (i.e., not an SLR that goes "ka-klak" every shot), didn't use flash during the ceremony, and freakin put a damn suit on.

chris77

We were lucky enough to have an awesome photographer and a really cool DJ. :goodtimes:

A band just wouldn't have worked for us. We had a small-ish reception (100 guests) with mostly family and close friends, so a live band would have been a waste imo. Most of the DJ/band's duties are for background music and handling the mic's and sound during the speeches etc, with only two or three hours of actual party music required. Unless you're planning a proper celebration, with guests who are up for it, a band is overkill,
We phoned quite a few DJ's before we decided on one though hey. Everybody seems to know somebody who knows somebody who considers himself a DJ and they all come with great references, but when you meet them they just don't come across so lekker. Some were too eager to talk fees and conditions, others looked like delinquents and one guy actually asked if we can organize transport for him and his gear on the day because he didn't have a bakkie at the time. When we met with the one we ended up using though, me and the missus both instantly knew, yeah, this is the guy. Nice dry sense of humour and we clicked immediately. He also used to play bass in a covers band, so he had a pretty good idea of what songs worked for what type of crowd. Cherry on the cake was when he said he doesn't play the chicken song, the macarena or crap like that because weddings can be fun without being common. ? We should just let him know what must happen when, what specific songs we want for which occasion, and then trust him and not worry about anything on the day.

vic

chris77 wrote We were lucky enough to have an awesome photographer and a really cool DJ. :goodtimes:

A band just wouldn't have worked for us. We had a small-ish reception (100 guests) with mostly family and close friends, so a live band would have been a waste imo. Most of the DJ/band's duties are for background music and handling the mic's and sound during the speeches etc, with only two or three hours of actual party music required. Unless you're planning a proper celebration, with guests who are up for it, a band is overkill,
We phoned quite a few DJ's before we decided on one though hey. Everybody seems to know somebody who knows somebody who considers himself a DJ and they all come with great references, but when you meet them they just don't come across so lekker. Some were too eager to talk fees and conditions, others looked like delinquents and one guy actually asked if we can organize transport for him and his gear on the day because he didn't have a bakkie at the time. When we met with the one we ended up using though, me and the missus both instantly knew, yeah, this is the guy. Nice dry sense of humour and we clicked immediately. He also used to play bass in a covers band, so he had a pretty good idea of what songs worked for what type of crowd. Cherry on the cake was when he said he doesn't play the chicken song, the macarena or crap like that because weddings can be fun without being common. ? We should just let him know what must happen when, what specific songs we want for which occasion, and then trust him and not worry about anything on the day.

Small correction Chris.....it's Kommin !

vic

sharonzaz wrote Unless my mind is getting old, I do not recall a single ''bad'' wedding
and I have played about a hundred.
Weddings are always awesome as most ppl go there to enjoy
and if the food and band are good, the party is good.

Some of my best one man band weddings was for a couple in kimberley
in the bush where they wore sandals and Tshirts and the other one was for my attorney. as for the band, there were so many i just dont remember
who's was better.

there was one bad venue, cant remember the name now but there was this stupid lamp up in the ceiling that would light up when the volume is too high
and that thing lit up when i was ''check one two''...
high profile wedding with lots of celebs, i remember james small walking
up to me and asking why are we so damn soft?

as for loudness itself, we for very long now have perfect tools to deal
with a sensitive audience like in weddings.
Edrums, amp sims and digital mixers to help with the noise
and to SAVE your settings so to minimize your sound checks.

IMHO, every hard working cover band should keep those in their trailer as the need for such gear is often these days, and the compromise in sound is close to 0%.

after doing many weddings and private events i honestly believe that
ALL ppl remember 2 things: the food (whether it was good or bad) and the entertainment.
nothing else stands out, no one would ever recall what dress the bride was wearing or how many (boring) speeches were made.

on the other hand, the number of annoying or bad bar/club gigs i have done is more than i can or want to count.

Couldn't agree more.....never to be repeated...omg....especially the bar gigs......what a waste !

[deleted]

Manfred Klose wrote
you make a string quartet sound like rock stars, they pitch up, play and leave. ?

Hah! If only that were true. I was just reading Arno's OP and having vivid, appalling flashbacks about former string quartet/wedding gigs... ???

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