Life as we (don't) know it...

Jacquesg4j

Hey guys,

For those of you who are a bit bored and need some entertainment (maybe it will entertain you, I don't know), here's a poem I wrote a while ago... Maybe you can relate?

Life as we don’t know it

Unravelling the mysteries of simple complications
Unfolding all the folded notes of recent complex actions
The present seems like all my past like all is all the same
Like life is reading through a book starting on the last page.

Is all supposed to be like this like nothing ever fits
As if you’re chocking into clothes unknotting all the knits
The air we breathe a pleasant feeling pleasing our desires
Desiring all the more so much that truth can turn to lies.

The truth of this is still untold and lies beneath the surface
So easy to come up with myths that misleads our existence
The prophesies are prophesied and might seem quite intense
But clearly listen to the Voice that makes this world make sense.

JJ van Lill
March 2011

IceCreamMan

excellent ...

this forum is filled with mental giants ,i am humbled

Jack-Flash-Jr

Cool poem, but isn't it on the edge of the forum rules?

Warren

I read something of a religious subtext in the last stanza of the poem, but it's not particularly hard-line or anything ("Repent! And thou shalt be saved!" ?) and I can appreciate where you're coming from despite my rather anti-religious perspectives about life. ? I think you could probably interpret "the Voice" in different ways too.

So, yes it's a little borderline in terms of the "no religious discussion" rule, but it's a creative piece with a nice spirit which takes guts to share and I think it would be a shame to deny us all the chance to read it.

I will ask that people keep any commentary within the rules, so let's not start a religious debate which will just get deleted later.

EDIT: Mixed up "thou" and "though"....I needs a holidays.

AlanRatcliffe

Warren's comments echo my own almost exactly:

Warren wrote So, yes it's a little borderline in terms of the "no religious discussion" rule, but it's a creative piece with a nice spirit which takes guts to share and I think it would be a shame to deny us all the chance to read it.

I will ask that people keep any commentary within the rules, so let's not start a religious debate which will just get deleted later.

While we don't want religious discussion here, it would be quite silly to avoid all mention of songs like Cohen's Hallelujah or indeed, the fine poem above. The object of the rule is to avoid contentious discussion, rather than try censor any artistic expression that is inspired by or references religious concepts.

AlanRatcliffe

Thread cleaned up extensively to try and get back on-topic.

Any other comments, complaints or discussion on moderation via PM please, (as per the rules)...

Jacquesg4j

Thanx Alan! I totally agree with you and Warren!

vic

Jacquesg4j wrote Thanx Alan! I totally agree with you and Warren!

Same here...

Thanks Jacques for a good poem. Let's have some more from your pen please.

StephenG

"same" and"page" don't rhyme ????
all other sentences tend to end in words that rhyme pretty closely, except these 2?

now post the chords to this ?

Jacquesg4j

vic wrote
Jacquesg4j wrote Thanx Alan! I totally agree with you and Warren!
Same here...

Thanks Jacques for a good poem. Let's have some more from your pen please.

Thanx Vic, glad you read and enjoyed! I wish I could write more, but this normally only happens when not too busy at work and I have to kill some time! (Lately I have been GFSA'ing more). But I have a few more that I will post soon! It's just a bit tricky sorting out the copyrights and stuff, but someone told me that I should just mail the stuff to myself through registered post. (Hopefully he's right).

StephenG wrote "same" and"page" don't rhyme ????
all other sentences tend to end in words that rhyme pretty closely, except these 2?

now post the chords to this ?

I have actually tried writing a song with this, but it is not very lyrical. (Not to my musical styles anyways)...

Concerning the rhyme... Yeah that is a bit dodge almost, but in that case the vocals rhyme, felt sufficient!

Squonk

StephenG wrote "same" and"page" don't rhyme ????
all other sentences tend to end in words that rhyme pretty closely, except these 2?

now post the chords to this ?

Nah you cant put chords to this. This should be narrated by Keifer Sutherland over some prog rock sequence ala Pink Floyd etc

StephenG

Squonk wrote
StephenG wrote "same" and"page" don't rhyme ????
all other sentences tend to end in words that rhyme pretty closely, except these 2?

now post the chords to this ?
Nah you cant put chords to this. This should be narrated by Christoper Walken over some prog rock sequence ala Pink Floyd etc

fixed.

Jacquesg4j

Squonk wrote
StephenG wrote "same" and"page" don't rhyme ????
all other sentences tend to end in words that rhyme pretty closely, except these 2?

now post the chords to this ?
Nah you cant put chords to this. This should be narrated by Keifer Sutherland over some prog rock sequence ala Pink Floyd etc

I thought rapping it... hahahah! NOOOOO!!!! But that would work!! It reads well!

deefstes

Jacquesg4j wroteIt's just a bit tricky sorting out the copyrights and stuff, but someone told me that I should just mail the stuff to myself through registered post. (Hopefully he's right).

Just don't open the envelope when it arrives in the mail ?

StephenG wrote
Squonk wroteNah you cant put chords to this. This should be narrated by Christoper Walken over some prog rock sequence ala Pink Floyd etc

Now you're talking!

Jacquesg4j

deefstes wrote
Jacquesg4j wroteIt's just a bit tricky sorting out the copyrights and stuff, but someone told me that I should just mail the stuff to myself through registered post. (Hopefully he's right).
Just don't open the envelope when it arrives in the mail ?

Got that part down! But they also say posting it on a forum like this with dates and all might be sufficiant!

deefstes

Jacquesg4j wroteBut they also say posting it on a forum like this with dates and all might be sufficiant!

It might be but I wouldn't bank on that. I've seen at least one other forum experience a server crash and losing every single message that has ever been posted to it. ?

Bob-Dubery

deefstes wrote
Jacquesg4j wroteBut they also say posting it on a forum like this with dates and all might be sufficiant!
It might be but I wouldn't bank on that. I've seen at least one other forum experience a server crash and losing every single message that has ever been posted to it. ?

Posts can get modified or even deleted - and not necessarily by the OP.

I'd think that a service like box.net that has proper audit trails in place (though maybe not for the free service that they offer) would be able to verify when a file was uploaded to their servers and if it was subsequently modified. It might be worth checking out. They have various levels of offering and if they're keeping audit trails and take regular backups then that might be a solution for people who need to be able to show that they had written or recorded a certain piece by a certain date.

Jack-Flash-Jr

X-rated Bob wrote
deefstes wrote
Jacquesg4j wroteBut they also say posting it on a forum like this with dates and all might be sufficiant!
It might be but I wouldn't bank on that. I've seen at least one other forum experience a server crash and losing every single message that has ever been posted to it. ?
Posts can get modified or even deleted - and not necessarily by the OP.

I'd think that a service like box.net that has proper audit trails in place (though maybe not for the free service that they offer) would be able to verify when a file was uploaded to their servers and if it was subsequently modified. It might be worth checking out. They have various levels of offering and if they're keeping audit trails and take regular backups then that might be a solution for people who need to be able to show that they had written or recorded a certain piece by a certain date.

As we saw here.