Dealing with friends in bands

symbolofmylife

Maybe you guys have some advice. And, I am sure a lot of us have been in a similar situation.

Well, here goes.

I recently started a band with an old friend. We used to be in a band together about 10 years ago, and at the time he was actually a player I looked up to.

However, in the years following I relocated and upon my return I co-formed another band where we really took it seriously in the context of playing our own original material as proper and tight as possible. Oh, and no covers. Songs would get written, and supplied to the band in tab & midi (guitar pro) format to learn by next rehearsal. And lo and behold, that was mostly the case. No matter what we threw at each other, come rehearsal day or the next, everyone knew the majority of the new song, save some tricky parts here & there to be ironed out, as can be expected.

Sadly, we also all went our separate ways, but the learning curve of the importance of practice, learning the songs properly and playing them as they should be (and not as you THINK they should be*) was tremendous, and something I still value. Having played roughly 150 shows over two years with this band, and having recorded a full album also added some understanding of what it takes, and how well a well-oiled machine can operate.

So recently I started a band again with the friend mentioned earlier. Now, as mentioned, I haven’t played with him for many years. Where I once looked up to him as a player, it has now gotten to the point where I can barely stand playing with him as his playing has turned sloppy as hell, and it appears he cannot remember the most basic of song structures. Oh, and after a month and half of rehearsals we can play ONE basic cover song without hiccups. I took the liberty of writing a pretty decent heavy-blues-rock tune for us as our first tune. It is pretty basic but I heard him play it solo at our last rehearsal and I could barely make out wtf he was playing. (Refer to * above). And no matter how many times I try to show him how the fingering works, he plays something that sounds vaguely like what the song actually goes like. As mentioned, it’s pretty basic. He’s noticed that I am mostly irate during rehearsals and apologised lately stating work commitments etc as excuses for not being able to practice by himself, or get into shape. Yet, every week it’s the same story.

How do you approach something like this? There’s obviously a long friendship at stake here but goddamn it I just can’t see this working.

Any ideas?

FruitarGeek

Yea. I know the scenario all to well. Ive been in 2 bands, and once I ended my involment with both, it pretty much ended the friendship I had with such characters. Although I am on good terms now with both.

Its very very difficult. But then again, there is no ways you can expect to be in a band if you not enjoying. Thats the exact reason why I left the one. Dont tell him he sucks, that wont help, but maybe that you want to go in a different direction, and that you cant devote as much time to how you did before. Unless you do what your old band did with you, so he can see how serious you are.

Maybe you 2 can still jam. but I would try get out of it sooner than later

AlanRatcliffe

+1 to all of the above. Especially extricating yourself sooner rather than later. You're taking it seriously, so you need bandmates who can both commit and are able to keep up with the material you want to do.

symbolofmylife

Alan Ratcliffe wrote +1 to all of the above. Especially extricating yourself sooner rather than later. You're taking it seriously, so you need bandmates who can both commit and are able to keep up with the material you want to do.

My thinking also.

See, it is not a case of mighty-me writing/selecting tunes and expecting people to play them perfectly, but more the expectation of everyone carrying their weight and putting in the effort. Some weeks ago we discussed covering a particular song. (We are mostly playing covers at the moment...sadly). It took me 15 minutes to learn the song save solo. Get to rehearsal...he has no idea.

It goes even further than the lack of commitment in terms of playing. We are talking time and money here. I am by no means a varsity student with loads of jammin' time....i have celebrated my 10-years-since-school recently. So, rehearsals mean less time to do other stuff, and on top of that we rent a rehearsal studio as it eliminates the angry-neighbor factor, so, money is being wasted.